


Broken Vases

by D_Toska



Series: Broken Vases [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Author has no idea how tags work, Blind Date, Bottom Katsuki Yuuri, Bottom Victor Nikiforov, Closets, Competition, Declarations Of Love, Dysfunctional Family, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Ice Skating, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, M/M, Naked ice skating, Original Character Death(s), Pre-Series, Protective Katsuki Yuuri, Supportive Katsuki Yuuri, Supportive Victor Nikiforov, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, Top Katsuki Yuuri, Top Victor Nikiforov, Training, True Love, Viktor spelled with a K because it's slightly more Russian that way, Yuri spelled with one U because that's how he writes it, reversible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-11-29 14:55:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 36,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11443212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/D_Toska/pseuds/D_Toska
Summary: Updated to include a bonus chapter of their banquet scene. All sorts of fluff and smut in that one.Devastated after a performance, Viktor Nikiforov seeks isolation in a darkened closet to bear his loss alone again but discovers that something more than mops are witness to his pain. Will truth find victory in the dark or is pure honesty too much weight for love to thrive under?Set one year before the series starts in an alternate universe meeting between Viktor Nikiforov and Yuri Katsuki.





	1. Chapter 1

The cold wrapped around him as he spun through the air before he slammed back onto the ice with seventeen hundred pounds of force reverberating through his leg, shaking it off a fraction of a second later in a slick glide across the ice. His free leg twisted around to bring his performance to an end and freeze him in his final pose. He held it in his trembling body as tears pricked at his eyes. Skaters crying after a performance was nothing new but not him; not now; not after this performance; not in front of them. He gave a cursory wave to the audience before skating off the ice and fumbling with his skate guards while his throat filled with his held tears to the point of bursting. Finally, he got his second guard on and he stomped past the kiss and cry, ignoring his coach’s angered looks as he yanked his arm free from his grasp.

Past the chattering locker room and the far too public bathroom, he stomped past the security guards with all the elegance of a man in shoes built for grace on the ice and nowhere else to a door labeled ‘Storage Room’ just around the corner. He pushed the door open then slammed it shut and slid down in front of it as if to hold back a sea of people who would try to break it down. In the dark, quiet room surrounded by nothing but mops and bottles of chemicals, his tears broke free in a coughing gasp. Forced to contort around their demanding weight, his head fell forward onto his knees. A small scuffle in the corner grabbed his attention and his head jerked up, slicing off his tears as he strained to look through the black to the source of the noise.

“Um… I’m sorry.” A small figure in the dark crept slightly forward, hunched low like his own. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your privacy. You just came in here and started… Um… I didn’t know what to do. I tried to keep quiet thinking that if you just didn’t know I was here, it wouldn’t be… Um… awkward and you could just go when you were done. I’m sorry. I should…”

He couldn’t resist chuckling at the poor boy’s plight of having some stranger barge into his hiding spot and just start sobbing like an idiot.  He sniffed back his tears as he wiped his face on the back of his hand. “Looks like we have the same taste in private sanctuaries.”

The other man gave a small huff of laughter. “Yeah, bleach and Pine Sol is just really soothing, ya know?”

“Mmm, I more prefer the obliterating darkness myself. That and the fact few people would want to hang out in a dark closet.”

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to interrupt you. I didn’t see you come in, you slammed that door pretty fast, so if I just sneak out now I’ll never know who you are and your secret will be safe then, right? Just… Um… Whatever is making you so upset… I’m really sorry.”

The complete sincerity in his tone made his chest warm ever so slightly. “What’s your name?”

“Wait, won’t that ruin our pact of secrecy?”

“I never made such a pact. I’d like to know the name attached to such a sweet, young man.” 

“… Yuri.” His voice drifted gently through the dark.

“Yuri…” He caressed the name around his tongue. It felt good there. Like it belonged. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Yuri. I’m Viktor.” Yuri gasped and then chuckled lightly. “Oh? Is that funny?”

“No, no. I just… Nothing. It’s just wild thoughts having way too much fun with my weakness. My brain really loves messing with me. Sorry. That was a weird thing to say.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“So… Um… I don’t mean to pry and please don’t feel like you have to answer, but… What’s wrong? I mean if you want to tell me, I’m a pretty good listener. Or so I’ve been told.”

Viktor cocked his head. “Lots of people are good listeners when it comes to getting dirt. My issue is more that people are also good talkers.”

“Oh. Uh, yeah. I’m not so great with that myself.”

Viktor chuckled. “No, I guess I don’t see you being a motivational speaker any time soon.”

Yuri laughed with a warm tone that went straight to Viktor’s heart like the first note in a song that you just know is going to be amazing. “No, that sounds like my worst nightmare as far as careers go. Your secret is safe with me if that’s what you’re worried about. The Brotherhood of the Cleaning Supply Closet must stick together, right?”

“Hmm… If we must stick together, why are you so far away? If I must confess my secrets to you, I’d rather feel that at least I’m talking to a person instead of the empty dark. If I can’t see you, at least let me feel you.” He patted the cement floor next to him.

“Oh, okay. Um. Sure.” Yuri carefully scooted next to Viktor and sat with his back against the door a few inches away from him.

Viktor sighed and scooted the last few inches feeling Yuri’s body brace hard for a moment before he let out a huff and relaxed next to him. “So, you want to know my darkest secrets, huh?”

“No! I just. I just wanted to… help. If I could. I don’t know what good I could do, but sometimes having someone just listening feels good.”

Viktor nodded slowly. “Yeah, I suppose it does. It’s been a long time since I’ve had someone listen like that. Not since… not since the source of my tears died.” He felt Yuri’s body gasp before he heard it. “He found me in closets too actually.” A smile twitched on his lips. “He always knew when I was upset and where to find me. He’d just barge in and sit with me until I told him everything. Then he’d either give me a hug or smack me upside the head if I was crying for something idiotic. I never could tell. It was a surprise every time, almost like a game.”

“Who was he to you?” Yuri’s voice was soft, still trying not to intrude despite his clear invitation.

“My brother. My big brother Alexei.”

“Oh, no. Oh, I can’t even imagine. I’m so so sorry, Viktor. I have an older sister and I just… can’t imagine.”

Viktor smiled. “Are you close to your sister?”

“Yeah. I mean, I haven’t seen her for four years because we live so far apart, but we talk regularly. She’s a pain, but she’s great.”

“Wow. Four years? That must be tough being so far away from family you love.”

“It is. I miss them like crazy and… Well, hopefully, I’ll be able to go home soon.”

“What were you going to say there? You started to say something but you stopped.”

“It’s nothing. It’s just… my reason for being here. My sister just called to tell me my dog has cancer. They don’t think there’s a lot they can do. It felt stupid to say next to your pain.”

“Oh, Yuri, no it’s not. I adore my dog. I would be devastated if something happened to him. I’m so sorry.” He threw his arm over Yuri’s shoulder and hugged him tightly. Yuri’s body heaved under his arm in a choked sob and then froze. “It’s okay. You can cry too. At least you know I won’t laugh at you for it.”

“I’m trying to make you feel better here. I can’t exactly do that if I’m crying too loud to hear you.”

“Isn’t the Brotherhood about making each other feel better? I mean we’re both obviously not here to celebrate.”

Yuri sniffled. “I don’t know. I didn’t realize we had established rules yet.”

“Ah, I hate rules. They put too much pressure. We’ve been given a unique opportunity here under the cover of dark and I don’t want to squander it so I’m going to chat with you without any concern for pleasantries and discuss nothing but aching truths. It’s been so long since I’ve had that. Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, okay. I can do that. How long… how long ago did Alexei pass?”

Viktor scoffed. “Passed. I hate that word. That’s what people use when they think that speaking gently will somehow make the pain better. It’s really just so they don’t have to taste the truth on their lips.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay. I didn’t mean it as an attack on you. It actually doesn’t sound as bad coming from you. Every word you say is softened like you don’t want to impose yourself on the world at all. It didn’t stand out like you were trying to suddenly hide. You’re always hiding, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

“And at least you used his name. Most people won’t. If we all just don’t talk about it, maybe that aching Alexei-shaped hole will just go away, right? Sorry. I’m rambling instead of answering your question. Alexei died sixteen years ago. I was ten; he was fifteen and the best big brother. He looked out for me and supported me with the things I loved. Plus, he was a buffer between me and my parents. He was so much like them and I was so much not. Alexei managed to get me anyways even though they didn’t. They’re both professors so academics is all that matters to them and as much as I tried, I just couldn’t keep my focus on school enough to get the grades they wanted from me. Alexei never struggled. He was just naturally brilliant. He was going to be a doctor. I always thought that by the time I was created, all of their genius DNA had been used up on Alexei. It would have been easy to hate him for it except for the fact that he was so hard to hate. He’s the one who pushed me into the life I have now, who pushed my parents to let me do what I loved. Regardless of any envy, how do you hate someone who pushes you to do your best at something you love?”

“I kind of get that. He sounds like an amazing person.”

“He was. So much better than me. I know my parents wish it had been me instead of him.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

“Oh, I’m sure it is. They pretty much say as much any time they can bring themselves to mention anything close to him. He was their pride and joy. I was… not. I couldn’t offer them grades or their favorite son back so I tried to be the best at what I could do. Be more talented, nicer, more joyful, more gracious, funnier… What I didn’t understand was that if you’re not what someone wants, being more of that isn’t going to do any good. It wasn’t until I left home that they finally got what they really wanted from me. Less.”

“Oh, Viktor. I-”

“Ah ah,” He sought out Yuri’s face in the dark with the palm of his hand and once located, he put his finger on Yuri’s nose and tapped it. “No pleasantries, remember?”

“That’s a rather flippant response to a genuine expression of sympathy. I wasn’t expressing a ‘pleasantry’, just the ache in my heart at hearing that.”

“Ah, yeah. I suppose it is. I’m not used to… genuine.”

“That’s unfortunate.”

Viktor huffed a breath of laughter. “Pity. I haven’t had anyone pity me in forever. So, what kind of dog do you have, Yuri?”

“A toy poodle.”

“Cute! I have a poodle too, but he’s a big one. He loves to jump on me and has terrible manners. I love it. What’s your dog’s name? 

“Um. Viktor actually.”

“Like me?”

Yuri gave a little nervous laugh. “Yeah. Don’t laugh, but I named him after Viktor Nikiforov. I’m a huge fan of his. Ever since I saw him skate at the Junior World Championship when I was 11, I’ve been a little, okay a lot, obsessed.”

Viktor’s eyes widened, but Yuri couldn’t see that in their shroud. “How obsessed are we talking here? 

“Um… probably way beyond normal, but well shy of stalker? I mean, I wouldn’t even have the courage to talk to him if I ever got the chance to meet him let alone do something crazy like show up at his house so I think I’m within the normal limits there, but yeah, my room? That’s basically a shrine to Viktor.” 

“Really? Why him?”

“Have you ever seen him skate?” 

“Um, clips here and there, but never a full routine.”

“You’re missing out then. He’s incredible. He’s an amazing jumper, always technically flawless, but he’s not a robot like you often see with skaters like that. He has so much artistry and elegance and he puts so much thought into his performances. You can tell that it matters to him, you know? Not the winning, the performance. He’s a genius. Honestly, I wouldn’t be the person I am today without him inspiring me every day.” 

“Wow. That’s quite a tribute. I’m sure he would be honored to hear an amazing person like you crediting him with any portion of that. So, is it just inspiration, or do you have a crush on him?”

Yuri made a squeak that warmed a smile onto Viktor’s face. “Um. Yeah, I guess… it’s probably both. It’s hard to separate him out into categories, you know? He’s gorgeous and incredibly sexy and talented and good and it all wraps up into one incredible person that just demands that I feel something about him.” 

“Good?”

“Like, a good person. He’s always generous to his fans and gracious with his competitors even when they’re not to him. Some people get the success he has and turn into assholes but not him. He has a good heart.”

“I don’t know. He’s probably at least a bit of an asshole.”

“Aren’t we all?”

Viktor laughed and squeezed Yuri’s shoulders tighter. “I don’t think you have even a drop of asshole in you. You’re too sweet for that.”

“I have my moments. If I’m being honest, I can be a little self-centered especially when I’m freaking out which happens far more than I’d like to admit. It’s hard to get out of my own head sometimes.”

“Why do you freak out?”

“I get really nervous. Anxiety I guess is the right name for it. I can crash and burn when it matters the most like nobody’s business. Not like Viktor who’s always in control.”

“No one’s as in control as you think they are. So, did you come here tonight to watch Viktor?”

“Um, I guess you could say that.” Yuri squirmed and rubbed the heels of his hands along his thighs. “Actually, yeah. Yeah, you should say that. He’s the entire reason why I’m here, why I’m anywhere.”

“You didn’t see him skate though, did you? You were hiding in a closet.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry that I missed it. It was probably spectacular as always and it was the first time anyone got to see his new program. I haven’t missed that in years.” Yuri’s shoulders slumped under Viktor’s arm.

“Hey, let’s watch it together. I’m sure it’s online already. Then I can say I’ve seen a full Viktor Nikiforov performance. What kind of Russian would I be without that?”

Yuri’s warm laugh trickled into Viktor’s chest again causing the song to swell. “A terrible one.” He pulled out his phone and flicked it on, wincing and shining it away as the screen came to life. “Ugh, so bright! Hold on. Let me turn it down.” He fiddled with the screen while trying not to look at it until the screen dimmed to the barest of light. “Much better… Ah, here it is.”

“You found that quickly.”

“Many years of experience, young grasshopper. I can spot a Viktor Nikiforov from a mile away.”

“Hmm… I doubt that.” As the video loaded, Viktor tried to glean as much of Yuri’s face as he could in the dim light the screen afforded him, but it was still too dark to have any kind of light define him so he remained as just a sweet voice in the night. The music picked up and while he wanted nothing more than to watch Yuri’s reactions, it was impossible and he would persist as a terrible Russian who had never seen Viktor Nikiforov skate so he turned his attention to the screen.

Watching Yuri was entirely unnecessary. His response poured out in gasping breaths, freezing and thawing muscles, and oh my god’s spoken as if he could break a recorded Viktor’s concentration by saying them too loud. The performance ended and they sat in tingling silence. “Oh my god. Tell me that is not the most beautiful performance he has ever done.”

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve only seen the one.” Viktor’s voice thickened.

“Oh, right. Then let me tell you; it was by far the best. It was so amazing. I can’t believe I missed seeing that in person. It was… everything.” Yuri’s eyes stayed fixed on the frozen Viktor on the screen.

“What makes you say that?”

“Couldn’t you feel it? He was pouring his heart out. I could feel his ache and loss like he was screaming it at me. He’s usually not as… expressive. I mean, not expressive. He’s always expressive… that’s not the word I’m looking for. Raw. Naked. There’s something there that has never been written before in the hundreds of interviews I’ve read. It’s something he could only say on the ice.”

“And to you apparently.”

“Sure, I mean I guess I’m something of an expert on Viktor’s performances, but this was something I’ve never seen before. His jumps weren’t nearly as flawless as they usually are; the landings were perfect as usual, but there was a bit of… panic, maybe, in the set up that left him looking just a little desperate, reaching. Viktor never reaches for anything. He’s never had to. Everything was always in his grasp, effortlessly. Or at least, that’s what his performances would have you believe. I’m sure he’s struggled just as much as the rest of us. He just has that little bit extra to overcome the struggle and make it look effortless. This was… letting us in.” Yuri pulled the phone close to his face and squinted hard then flung it down with a tone of disgust. “Are the judges blind?! What the hell?! How the hell did he get scored that low? 178.51?! That’s the lowest score he’s gotten in years! It’s not possible. They couldn’t have watched the same performance. He was just as flawless as ever, but that performance was perfectly imperfect.”

“It’s probably the imperfect part of that they didn’t like.”

“No. They’re wrong. It didn’t make it less. It made it more. So, so much more. And that music… the music was perfect. I can’t believe-” Yuri glanced over to the sobbing man burying his face in his shoulder. “Viktor? Are you okay?”

“Yuri? Can you-” He couldn’t finish through his silencing tears. Yuri wrapped up the sobbing stranger into his arms as tight as he could and rocked him gently until the tears started to slow. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a few tissues and passed them to Viktor who took them gratefully and cleared his face to speak again. “Sorry. It was just… I knew I wasn’t crying for something stupid then. Crying for Alexei is never stupid.”

“I’m sorry. I can see why that performance would trigger those feelings.”

“It wasn’t the performance. It was how you understood it.”

“Me? Why? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“I doubt few people would get it like you did, Yuri. In fact, I think you may be the only one to see it like that. Viktor didn’t look too happy with that performance. I’m so glad I got to see it with you and hear your honest thoughts. So, you’re a skater? Earlier you said he struggles like the rest of us.”

“Yeah. Oh. I guess I shouldn’t say that, huh? I just gave away my identity. There’s only one Yuri here.”

“It’s okay. Your secret is safe with me. Can I see one of your performances?”

“Oh god. I’m not worth watching like that. I’m not as good as Viktor is.”

“You’re in the same competition as him, right?”

“Well, yeah, but that doesn’t mean I’m at his level.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what it means.”

“No. There’s the skaters who actually compete for the gold and the rest who are just barely scraping in. I’m in the second category. Viktor’s in the first. One day though, I’ll get there. I’ll get good enough to actually compete against him, to make him notice me. Preferably as I snatch the gold medal from his hands.” He giggled to chase away the reality that he had just admitted that to another living soul.

Viktor smiled. “I thought you looked up to him, but now you say you want to crush him?”

“I do look up to him. And I want to defeat him. It sounds so arrogant to say. I’m sorry.”

“No, go on.”

“It’s just… he makes me want to stand next to him. How could you not want to bask in a light like that? And I’m competitive enough that if I’m going to stand next to him, I’d rather it be just slightly above him. At least sometimes. I’ve always dreamed of having a bitter, but friendly, rivalry with him with both of us pushing each other harder and grasping between gold and silver; pushing each other to be the best we can be.” He sighed and collapsed so low Viktor had to follow him down with his arm. “Not that that will ever be anything but a daydream. He’s getting closer to retirement while I still languish just out of reach. This is almost worse than when I was just a little kid admiring him from afar. Like you said, we’re at the same competitions now, but I’m just that one level away and I don’t think I’ll ever make that final jump. I’m just too weak.”

“Too weak? What kind of nonsense is that? How could you have fought to get as far as you have and still call yourself weak?”

“I can perform well in practice, but at competitions? They make me so sick. My stomach churns so bad and I eat like crazy trying to make it go away and that makes me feel bloated and heavy, but the worst is that I get locked in my head. It’s like someone’s got me pinned down and their hand over my mouth and I feel… silenced under all of the chatter. I’m not so great with talking to people in most situations. On the ice is the only place where I feel like I can say what I want to say, but most of the time I get lost out there.”

“Oh, Yuri, that must be so tough. Do you not have a good coach or enough support or something like that?”

“No. Celestino is great and my family is too. They’ve always supported me win or lose. It’s just me. I don’t know how to make my brain work with me instead of against me.”

“Okay, show me. I want to see you skate. I’m requesting two videos. One of your worst performance and one of your best.”

“What?! No! I can’t show you that. Maybe my best, but not my worst.”

“Why not? It’s not like no one else saw it. I’m just one more person of many, right?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t have to sit there and watch them as they watched me fail.”

“You don’t have to here either. You can’t see me, right? I’m just a voice. Please? I’ll just look it up on my own anyways, but I’d rather see it with you. Come on, Yuri. You’ve already seen me being a sobbing mess. Let me see your beautiful mess.”

“I wouldn’t call it beautiful at all. A mess? Yeah. It’s definitely that.” He sighed and picked up his phone again to start flipping through videos. “The worst… Hmm… there’s so many to choose from. Oh. This one. This one was bad.” He tapped the video and slowly moved the screen over so they both could see. “Please… be gentle.” Viktor responded with an extra squeeze of his shoulders.

The music started and the camera focused tight on Yuri’s face as he looked up from the ice and straight into the camera with just a hint of a smile. “Oh.” Viktor’s heart squeezed tight. “Yuri… you’re beautiful.”

“Shh… I thought there was nothing but truth here. You don’t have to lie to me.”

“I’m not lying. You’re-” Viktor cut off with a gasp as Yuri’s program started in full and his body stretched through a movement as though it were designed for perfection in that motion alone. “Gorgeous." His eyes widened as Yuri stepped into a sequence of light taps and swishes on the ice with ferocious speed and grace. “I thought this was supposed to be the worst one.”

“Wait for it.” Yuri reached for a quad toe loop and crashed hard onto the ice. They both cringed. “And there it is. It all goes downhill from here. You really don’t need to watch more.”

“Yes. I do.” Viktor’s breath huffed lightly across Yuri’s cheek which made him shudder under his arm. Yuri on the screen was back on his feet and gliding through motions that looked as though his absolute limit was just where he felt like stopping, deeming it to be more than enough, and into spins so fast he became a blur on the ice. A jump combo came up and he landed too far forward on the last jump catching his toe pick on the ice and slamming into his face.

“Ugh. Who does that? Tripping over toe picks in an international competition like some rookie? It’s so awful.”

“The most beautifully talented skater I’ve ever seen, apparently.”

“Okay, seriously? That’s just mean.”

“I’m not lying at all. Truly. You’re far better than that Viktor Nikiforov. He’s just better at landing jumps. You’re better at everything else.”

“Okay, now I know you’re lying and messing with me.” Another fall left them both cringing again each for their own reasons.

“I’m not. If you can figure out how to land those jumps, he won’t stand a chance against you. It won’t be a rivalry at all; just him trying to catch up to you. You’ve mastered that raw expression that he was trying for. Yuri on ice is nothing short of exquisite. I mean it, Yuri.” His voice softened as he pressed a gentle kiss to Yuri’s hair in an attempt to make his words sink in through that tangled mess that held them at bay. The performance ended and Yuri’s hands dropped down to his knees clutching the phone tight. “You must not usually fall that much if you’ve come as far as you have. What happened?”

“It was stupid.”

“Tell me anyway.”

“It was a few years ago. I met a boy who I finally felt something for and I thought he returned the affection. I guess I just didn’t know how American relationships worked. He said sweet things to me and showered me with attention. To me that meant he liked me, right? So, I slept with him. It was the first time I’d ever done that but it was great. He was kind and gentle and I was so happy I had finally found someone who could get my mind off of Viktor for more than five minutes. I went to a party a few days before that competition and he was there making out with some other guy. I was so hurt, but he just didn’t get it. He said we’d never agreed to be exclusive so I was somehow supposed to be okay with that. I thought I meant something to him.

I kinda turned into a slut for a bit after that. I figured if that’s all that sex was to people, I could just drown in the sensations of it too. And to be honest, it felt good to be out of my head for once. A bit of alcohol to switch off that incessant loop and some random guy to keep it quiet for just one night.”

“Oh, Yuri. I know how you feel. I’ve had so many people who I ended up liking far more than they liked me and I responded similarly, trying not to get too attached to the people who showed interest realizing it was just that; a show. I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

“I was at the height of that for this one.” He tapped the screen and loaded his next video. “I was so numb that I stopped feeling anxious for a while and got the best scores of my career.” They watched in silence as Yuri skated a clean, but unremarkable performance. “I skated a bit like Viktor in that performance. I mean, a pale imitation of him, but the style is more similar.”

Tears sprang to Viktor’s eyes and clouded his voice. “Yuri, why would you show this one as your best and the other as your worst?”

“Well, I got my personal best for this one and the other…Well, you saw it. It was terrible.”

“Are scores the only thing that matter? Weren’t you offended by the scores for Viktor tonight?”

“Yeah, but that’s Viktor. It’s just not possible for him to do so well and have all those judges fail to see it. I mean he didn’t fall like I did. He had both perfect expression and perfect technicals. Maybe my expression was a little better in the first video and it definitely felt more like me, but it was embarrassingly bad.”

“You are so wrong. I loved the first one far more than the second. The second wasn’t a pale imitation of Viktor; it was a pale imitation of you. What about now? Are you performing like the first or the second video today?”

“Well, I stopped drinking so much and sleeping around. It got to the point where I couldn’t deny how empty it made me feel and how much I really did care. So, the anxiety is back and I’m flubbing my jumps again.”

“Good.”

“Good?”

“Yeah, good. I wasn’t kidding when I said that first performance was by far better. Jumps can be improved, but once you lose your passion, it’s almost impossible to bring it back.”

Yuri gave a soft laugh. “It’s easy when you’re as obsessed with Viktor as I am.”

“Really? How so?”

“Um. Well, when I was a little kid I used to copy his routines with my friend Yuko. I was feeling really down about everything and just so numb to life so I decided to do that again. I copied his free skate from last year and skating felt so good again.”

“Really? Do you have any videos of it? I’d love to see that.”

“Yeah, actually. My friend Phichit recorded me one day when I didn’t know he was there. He currently uses his copy as blackmail to get me to comply with his every whim.” Yuri laughed. “He’s a social media monster so if he releases that, the entire world will know my shameful fanboying. Luckily, I know he never would. He’s a true friend. He only ever threatens utter devastation.”

“Please, can I see it? I promise to keep silent. Only you, me, Phichit, and the dark will ever know it even exists.”

“What about the Pine Sol? It seems a little sketchy.”

“If it dares to utter a word, I’ll take it out back and beat it into submission. I wouldn’t let a little shit like that hurt my precious Yuri. Don’t forget, I’m Russian. Everyone just assumes I’m either in the mob or know someone in the mob so I can be pretty scary if I want to be.”

Yuri smiled. “I don’t think you have one scary bone in your body. I’ve never felt so comfortable talking to someone before.”

“The dark helps; you can’t see my hideous face to scare you away. Now video, please?”

“Oh, okay. Just please don’t laugh.”

“Never.” Yuri brought up the video and Viktor grabbed his hand to adjust the screen closer to their faces and left it there, wrapping around Yuri’s warm hand as he clutched at the screen bringing him gifts he never expected to find in a supply closet.

Viktor’s theme that year had been, “We’re all going to hell anyways, might as well make the basket pretty.” Blasphemy: the surest way to shock an audience. And the majestic Nikiforov debasing himself to a performance of unflinching lust nailed down any last traces of indifference. He’d studied the way belly dancers move trying to incorporate the sensual roll of their hips flowing into their bodies and winding out through their fingertips into the bodies of their lovers. He should have studied Yuri. Yuri ripped straight past sensual and into pure sexual without losing a drop of artistry. A fallen angel lured by a craving for something human on his first night in hell experiencing pleasure for the first time, melding the two worlds into one within his body. Viktor’s hands gripped Yuri harder as he lost his breath to the performance.

“Viktor? What- what did you think?”

Oh, the video had ended. How long ago? “I- Yuri. Yuri, it was the best performance I’ve ever seen. Holy shit.” He breathed out in a deep huff trying to get the blood back into the proper places in his body. “I want to show you what that did to me, but I don’t want you to think that that’s all I think of you.”

“What do you think of me?” Yuri could have been fishing for compliments, but his hesitant tone begged the truth.

“I think that Viktor Nikiforov on his best day can’t hold a candle to you on your worst. I think that the sun itself can’t hold a candle to you at your best. I’m wondering how the hell I found such a precious treasure buried in mops and buckets. I think that you’re a person who can see a complete stranger in the dark on one of his worst days and turn it into his best. I think that if I say any more, I’m going to scare you off so I’m going to shut up now.”

“That’s your honest opinion? No flattery?”

“Not a bit of flattery. I swear I truly think all that and more.”

Yuri leaned in over Viktor, his lips brushing over his as he spoke. “Then show me.”

Viktor seized Yuri’s hair and his hand, placing his hand low on his stomach and pulling his lips deep into his. Yuri’s hand brushed down over straining fabric and Viktor pressed his hips tight to his thigh. Yuri’s hand moved around to his low back and pulled him tighter as their tongues soothed the aching, lonely holes in each other’s chests. Viktor gripped him tight to himself, running his hands over his body then moaned deeply before shoving Yuri back to arm’s length.

“I’m sorry. I really want to keep going but we’re missing some crucial things. I don’t mean to tease you; I promise I want nothing more right now. I just… I want to see you for our first time.”

“We can turn the light on.”

Viktor smiled and brushed his lips with a tender kiss. “Not yet. I’m still afraid my hideous face is going to scare you away.”

“I don’t really care what you look like. I don’t think I’ve ever felt a connection with someone like this before. And if I’m being honest, you felt pretty sexy under my hands. I doubt you could be that hideous.”

“Well, it’s not so much hideous. It’s… something else. I promise that if you still want me when we turn the lights on, I will fuck you until you beg for mercy, but can we stay in the dark just a little bit longer? I’m not ready to risk losing this yet.”

“Okay.” Yuri tried to muffle the disappointment in his voice as he sat back to Viktor’s side. Viktor kissed the top of his head and hugged him tight in his arms. With his ear so close to Viktor’s stomach, Yuri didn’t miss the slight grumble. “Are you hungry?”

“Just a bit, but I’ll be fine a while longer.”

“Never fear,” Yuri giggled, “the fat kid is here.” He leaned forward and dragged a bag over to him and began rummaging in the dark.

“You’re not fat!”

“Well, not so much right now. I was pretty chubby as a kid though and keeping weight off is always a struggle for me. Do you want sweet? Salty? Spicy?”

“Hmm… I think I’m in the mood for sweet. Preferably something Japanese.”

“Perfect. I have just the thing.”

Paper ripping and foil packaging tearing open preceded something smooth and silky sliding past his lips. He bit down and it crumbled into a mix of crispy biscuit and satiny chocolate coating his tongue. “Vkusno! So good, Yuri. What is this?”

“Pocky. The chocolate ones are good with coffee, but I only have water at the moment. Sorry.”

“That’s okay. Water’s good.” Yuri placed a box and a plastic bottle into his hands. He opened the water and drank down half of the bottle in seconds. “Want some?”

“No that’s okay. I have another bottle and I’m not thirsty right now.”

“Mmm… your performance left me parched.” He took another few gulps. “Seriously, Yuri. What do you need to perform like that at a competition? It was so incredible. You need to give that arrogant Nikiforov a run for his money.”

“Viktor’s not arrogant at all. He’s confident, but not arrogant.” Yuri reached into the box and grabbed a Pocky stick to start munching.

“Forget about him. What is holding you back?”

“Well, anxiety like I said before.”

“Yes, but you managed to get rid of it before. Granted it was less than healthy, but there must be some healthy way to reduce it. What about when you were with a boyfriend? Did that reduce it at all; feeling love like that?”

“Um, I’ve never really had a boyfriend or had anyone love me outside of my family.”

“No, that’s not possible.”

“Oh, it is. The awkward bundle of stress and nerves that I am isn’t exactly great material for inspiring love.”

“That’s not true at all. You’re so loveable, Yuri, it’s frightening.” He pressed a kiss to Yuri’s cheek. “If I were to ask you to go out on that ice and skate for me like you did for Viktor’s program right now, do you think you could?”

“Um… maybe. I don’t know. I mean I guess it’s not a competition so I wouldn’t be very nervous.”

“What if I asked you to do it while naked?” Yuri shrieked then slapped his hands over his mouth. “Bingo. I think I know what might help. You’re so afraid of people seeing you that when summon the courage to expose yourself it takes everything you have and you fumble your jumps, but when you hide yourself away, you can make them. You need to practice being fully exposed so that it becomes less frightening.”

“You are seriously suggesting that I go out there and skate naked on the ice where anyone could walk in and see me jiggling all over the place?”

“Well, I think you could be fairly safe to assume privacy in the middle of the night. That is from everyone’s eyes but mine.” Yuri gulped back another squeak. “I can bribe a night guard or two to keep their rounds and anyone else out of the rink. This is Russia. People are easily bought here.”

“You’re actually serious.”

“Of course. I would never joke about something as serious as your skating. I want to see you make Viktor Nikiforov fall to his knees at your feet. That’s where he belongs.” Another squeak from Yuri elicited a chuckle from Viktor. “I take it you’ve had that fantasy before.” He measured Yuri’s stiff silence in his arms. “Oh, that’s a top fantasy, right? It’s okay. You can tell me. I won’t be jealous.”

“Um. Maybe. Just a little.”

“A little? Tell me, when you fantasize about him, is he in control of you or are you in control of him?”

“Both. It depends on my mood.” The box rustled as they grabbed more Pocky.

“If you could get him to do anything you wanted, right now, what would you ask of him?”

“To not retire just yet. And… to stand by my side and to let me see past the mask to the human buried within the god. I want to know who Viktor really is.”

“Yuri.” Viktor gulped down the still mostly unchewed mass of Pocky in his mouth wincing as it scraped his throat on the way down. “Why would you say it like that? Why… that?”

“You don’t become Viktor Nikiforov without sacrificing everything. If you want to know the truth, I think he sacrificed himself. He got swallowed up in the god of perfection. I felt it when my anxiety went away. I got closer to my goals, but further from myself. His performance tonight confirmed that for me. He was struggling to show us the real Viktor just as scared and flawed as the rest of us and how did the judges reward that? With the lowest score in years. Just goes to show that our world doesn’t want real.”

“That’s not true. You do real in a way that the world wants to see. You’re just too scared to show them. Viktor doesn’t know how to be anything other than the god anymore and it showed.”

“Viktor?” Yuri brushed at the tears on his cheeks.

“I didn’t tell you how he died yet.”

“No. You didn’t.” Yuri wrapped his hands around Viktor’s and clenched them tightly.

“I didn’t tell you everything. Please listen and when I’m done, you can decide to slap me or hug me.” He pushed Yuri back from himself, his hands lingering on his shoulders before dropping them to squeeze together in his lap.

“So, let me tell you how the world lost such a promising genius bound to help thousands before he even got a chance to help one. I needed him to pick a song for me. It was important, my first competition. Music was the one thing we had in common but his taste was so much better than mine. He tried to get me to pick telling me that it would have more meaning if I did, but it was too important to leave it up to me. I made him a cassette tape of my favorites and he listened to it for a week straight. He said he needed to live in the music for a bit before he could decide. He studied and listened. He ate and listened. He slept and listened. He listened so hard for me. He was listening as he read a book walking home from school, trying so hard to be both a perfect son and a perfect brother that he accidentally stepped into the street and couldn’t hear the car blaring its horn. The Walkman stopped playing at the moment of his death and it took me years before I could even dare to listen to the song he chose for me with his life. It took even more years before I had the skill to do it justice.

I had begged my parents to come tonight telling them it wasn’t for me but for Alexei, but they just said to reserve their spots and they’d make it if they could. That’s worse I think than just telling me straight out they’re not going to bother. I clung to that for years hoping that this time it would be it only to be disappointed yet again. I finally stopped asking, but I stupidly hoped this time they could manage to see me for four minutes for him. As I stepped off the ice, the only thing I could think was how relieved I was that they hadn’t come. I had tried to do him justice, but I failed. In trying so hard to be perfect for him, I forgot what it felt like to be loved by him. I forgot what love felt like at all. Real love I mean; love that can withstand failures and flaws; love that seeks you out when you feel the worst. I tried to pull that memory back but it was too far gone. I tried to skate a performance worthy of a brother who gave his life taking the thing I loved so seriously, who accepted me even though I was so different, who cared enough to see me when I was less than perfect. I tried and I failed, Yuri. You’re so right. I sacrificed myself trying to obtain enough perfection for him and lost the thing that made it matter. I lost the fact that he never asked me to be perfect. He just loved me.

I know it was terrible of me to not tell you who I was and even worse to encourage you to confess more. You just confessed and I didn’t know what to do and then I was weak enough to want nothing more than your honest opinion unfiltered by my name. I’m so sorry, but I’m not sorry at all. You gave me a precious gift tonight and I’m going to hold on to it regardless of if you now hate me forever. You saw my flawed performance and you loved it anyways. So, I’m sorry that I’m not sorry, Yuri. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me for being a complete asshole, I meant every word I said tonight and I would love nothing more than to stand by your side.”

Viktor reached up to fumble his fingers to the light switch and flipped it on sending both of their faces cringing away from the light. Yuri looked back up to his idol’s face, streaked red and blotchy, still hiding from the light.

“You’re an idiot.” Viktor glanced up, his eyes crushed. “So stupid, Viktor. Why do you think that the brother who never asked you to be perfect would feel let down by your imperfect tribute to him?"

“I don’t know.”

“It meant something to you, right?”

“Of course.”

“Then it meant something to him too.”

“But it was so bad, Yuri. My lowest score.”

“And? I loved that performance because it was real and I know that Alexei did too. If you were skating it for him, why does the judges’ or your parents’ or your coach’s or my opinion matter at all? If he were here right now, would he slap you for that performance or hug you?”

“I don’t know. I was never able to guess right.”

“I think you do. Was your performance stupid or did it matter?”

Tears deepened the red streaks down Viktor’s cheeks as he stared into Yuri’s soft brown eyes. “It mattered.”

“Then that’s all there is to it. Alexei would be proud of you, Viktor. He’s not sorry at all that he had a little brother to love so much that the things that were important to him mattered to him as well. He didn’t watch your performance tonight and see its flaws. He watched and saw his little brother showing him his love and gratitude.”

Viktor pressed his face back into the knees that he hugged tight to his chest as sobs trembled his body. “If- if you don’t hate me too much, Yuri, can you-” Yuri sat back next to him and held him as tight as he could, his chin pressed to the top of his head and running his fingers in soothing strokes through his silver hair. Viktor let out a trembling sigh. “Thank you.” They waited for the pain in Viktor’s heart to empty into the room filled with impassive cleaning supplies and into the heart of a not-so-impassive Yuri. Viktor lifted his head and Yuri handed him a tissue. He dried his face and blew his nose then glanced at Yuri, not fully meeting his gaze. “And what are you going to do? Slap me or hug me?”

“Neither.”

Before the wince settled on Viktor’s face, Yuri had his lips caressing his. Viktor opened his mouth with a gasp and pulled him in, held him tight, and begged for it to be tighter. Yuri caressed him, deep and slow, refusing to let a single sensation pass unsavored or a piece of Viktor left ignored. They released each other’s lips leaving their foreheads pressed to gasp in some needed air.

“Yuri… You forgive me?”

“No. Not yet. You’ll be making that one up to me for a long, long time. That was a total asshole move, Viktor. You didn’t just let me go on and on about you; you begged me to share more.”

“I know I did. I couldn’t help it. You were so honest. I don’t know when was the last time I’ve heard honesty like that. I either get my praises sung to the heavens or Yakov trying to balance that all on his own by tearing me down. You saw me and you… cared.”

“I always dreamed of meeting you and came up with a million different ways that would happen. My favorite was the one where I met you while standing just above you on the podium.” Viktor brushed his fingers along Yuri’s smile. “Not once in those million different fantasies did I come up with meeting a sobbing Viktor in a closet and honestly, I can’t imagine a better way to have met you. Any other way I would have been a stuttering, tomato red mess. Well, unless I was drunk. That might have worked too, but then I would have to risk making a total ass of myself. This way I got to meet Viktor, the human who struggles and worries and hurts and loves, not Viktor Nikiforov, the god. And instead of a moronic fanboy who likely forgets to breathe and passes out, you got to meet Yuri, the still moronic fanboy who managed to actually talk to you almost like a normal person.”

“No, I got to meet Yuri, the shy, incredibly sweet man who saw a total stranger crying and offered him genuine care and support. Yuri Katsuki, the greatest skater alive who has performances that can warm the heart of a bored and jaded man and can teach that overblown Nikiforov a thing or ten about a good performance. Yuri who kissed me with so much passion only knowing of Viktor, the human. Yuri who gave me back the love of a brother that had long been forgotten. If the price I have to pay for that is spending forever making it up to you, I will gladly pay that. Let me start by taking you to dinner.”

“That’s a good start. How else do you plan to make it up to me?”

“Hmm... Let’s see. I’ll help you find a way to show what you can really do to the world so that you can achieve your goal of a bitter, but friendly, rivalry with Viktor Nikiforov. I’ll keep skating as long as you want to keep competing against me; you can decide when I retire. I’ll make sure Viktor the dog gets the best treatment available so you have many more years with him. I’ll take you to the beach and shopping and sightseeing and anything else your heart desires. And I’ll stand by your side proudly for as long as you want me there.”

“Okay.” Yuri nodded, a smile underneath his red-stained cheeks. “I’ll hold you to those promises until you say you’re sorry for messing with me.”

“Yuri…” Viktor’s fingers stroked along Yuri’s cheek to rest under his chin tilting it up slightly. “I’ll never be sorry.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Come on, Yuri! Off with the clothes!” Viktor skated up and slid to a stop in the silent ice rink illuminated with a single strip of light in the center, the edges and the stands remaining darkened.

“But it’s so cold, Viktor! And what if someone comes in?”

“Then they’re in for a treat.” He cocked his head and winked then relaxed to a genuine smile. “Don’t worry about it. I took care of it. And you’ll get plenty warm once you start skating.”

“This is crazy. You’re crazy,” Yuri muttered as he started stripping off his shirt. He stepped out of his pants and tossed them aside and gripped the elastic of his tight, black shorts with shaking hands. “Apparently, I’m crazy too.”

“Mmm… And hot. Wait one second, Yuri. Come here and let me see a spin before you take those off.”

“Uh, okay.” He removed his skate guards and stepped onto the ice and into a tight spin.

Viktor doubled over laughing with his hands on his knees. “Oh, Yuri. You’re so cute! How is someone as precious and sexy as you not already claimed with a long waiting list of backups?”

“Uh, did I do it wrong? I thought my spins were pretty solid. I can do it again. Just tell me what I did wrong.”

“Oh, Yuri. You went way too fast.”

“Too fast?” Yuri combed his fingers through his hair, pushing it back and causing Viktor’s breath to stutter in his chest. “Spins are supposed to be fast. The faster the better.” His hand fell back to his side letting the hair flop back in his face.

“Not the ones where you’re supposed to be showing off your fine ass to me.” Viktor ran his fingers through Yuri’s hair, pushing it back again and studying him with a smile.

“Oh! Um…”

“Just turn, Yuri. Slowly.” Viktor took a step back to get a better view.

“O- okay.” He took a few steps around in a circle, his face turning redder with every step.

“Perfect! You have the best ass, Yuri. So thick and round.” Viktor stepped forward to halt his turn and run his hand over his curves.

Yuri bit his lip and dropped his chin. “No matter how much I diet and exercise, I just can’t slim it down or my stupid thighs.”

Viktor slipped his finger under his chin and lifted his face back up. “Eyes up, Yuri. Always. And don’t you dare try to get rid of your ass. It’s perfect. You’re strong, Yuri. It’s muscle and you certainly don’t want to get rid of that. You won’t be able to make your jumps if you do.”

“You jump just fine without having thick legs.”

“I’m taller.” Viktor shrugged. “The muscle has more room to go up and down before it has to go out.”

“Lucky you.”

“Yuri, you’re gorgeous. If you get any hotter, you won’t be able to skate anymore because you’ll keep melting all the ice.”

Yuri rolled his eyes and groaned. “That was so cheesy, Viktor.”

“Maybe, but I meant it.” He dropped to his knees in front of Yuri and gave his waistband a little tug down then stopped and looked up. “May I?” Yuri pressed his hands to his flushed face and gave a little nod. Viktor tugged the underwear down and stepped him out of them. “Wow. You’re perfect.” Viktor locked eyes with him as he smirked and pressed kisses all over his quivering stomach and thighs. He stood back up and gave a loud crack across his ass making Yuri yelp. “Okay, go out there and let me see you perform.”

“W-which one should I do?”

“Show me your free skate. I don’t want the show to be over too quickly. I intend to savor this.”

He skated back to the boards while Yuri moved to his place at the center of the rink with his face blazing. He started moving to the music he could only hear in his head with an obvious effort to reduce his exposure. A spread eagle early in the routine was stilted as he resisted opening his body. His step sequence sputtered across the ice. A triple axel was two-footed in the landing and his fingers brushed the ice, but as the jump brought him past Viktor, he dared a glance in his direction and was rewarded with a stupid silly grin on Viktor’s face. Viktor Nikiforov was enjoying his performance even if it wasn’t perfect.

He launched himself into a quad toe loop that soared over the ice and landed it cleanly, his free leg held high off the ice. Viktor let out a low whistle that made him blush harder and pushed him into his next jump combination. Flowing neatly from one beat to the next, another step sequence trickled across the ice like a bubbling brook and into blinding spins. Music dripped from his fingertips and Viktor froze with his hand to his mouth as the notes swirled around him caressing his body. Yuri stilled in the center and Viktor rushed out to him, dropping to his knees at his feet, hands clasped in front of him.

“Yuri. Please be my coach.”

“Wait. What?” His chest heaved as his body tried to recover from his effort.

“Be my coach, Yuri. Please say you’ll do it. I promise I’ll work hard for you. I’ll go train with you wherever you want. Just please say you’ll be my coach.”

“Viktor! How could I possibly coach you? If anything, you should be coaching me.”

“Okay. I can do that. I’ll coach you and you’ll coach me. It’ll be perfect!”

“What could I possibly teach you, Viktor? I mean really. You’re messing with me again.”

“I haven’t paid off my debt yet for messing with you the first time. I wouldn’t dare do it again. As for what you can teach me, you can teach me how to perform like that. Your performances, both perfect and stumbling messes, reach straight into people and make them feel however you feel. Really, the jumps you worry so much about are so minor compared to everything else you do. Please, Yuri, show me how to do real like you do so I can do my program for Alexei this year justice. I was thinking of just going back to my old routine to finish up the season, but with your help, I think I can make it right.”

“I’m going to be a terrible coach. I’ve never done this before and you want to start after the season’s already started. And I have no idea how to tell you how to move like me. And how exactly are we going to both coach each other and compete against each other? How will we even have the time to do it? And where? What about Yakov? He’s so much better as a coach than I would be.”

“Wow. So many questions so fast. No wonder you have a hard time escaping your mind. It must be a dizzying thing to think of so many things so quickly. Yakov is a great coach and I love him, but I need something different that he can’t give me. Plus, I can always consult with him when necessary. And I know it’s not going to be easy, but I’m not afraid of some hard work. Are you?” Yuri shook his head. “Good. We’ll figure it out, I’m sure of it. A gold medal will never be more important to me than you are. And you are far more talented than you give yourself credit for. I’m sure you’ll figure out how to coach me and hopefully, you can have some patience with me as I figure out how to coach you too. I mean if you really want me as your coach. That’s fine too if you don’t. But if I’m your coach, we could go back to Hasetsu and spend time with your friends and our dogs and your family. Soak in the hot springs after practice… Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“Yeah…” Yuri’s voice dragged out as he searched for more objections. He bit his lip and stared into the rippling, ice blue eyes of the earnest man at his feet. “This is crazy, Viktor.”

“Yes, but you said that about the naked ice skating too and look how perfectly that worked.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“Oh. It did. Trust me. I was a little torn on whether I wanted to come over here and beg for you to teach me your secrets or to grab you and give you back all of the feelings you just gave to me. I decided that the second would have more meaning if I secured our future first.”

“You really want your future to involve me?”

Viktor stood back up and took his hands. “More than anything I want to stand by your side and for you to stand by mine.”

“You do realize that I’m about ninety-nine percent certain that I fell asleep in that closet and that this is all just a crazy dream.”

“Then just say yes. There’s no harm done if it’s just a dream, right?”

Yuri smiled and dropped his head for a moment, but then remembered his coach’s advice and lifted his eyes back to Viktor’s. “Okay. Yes.”

“Perfect, Yuri!” Viktor threw his arms around him and Yuri shuddered at the contact of his warm body. “Now let me prove that this is real.”

He placed his hand on Yuri’s chest and pushed him back to the boards unbuttoning his shirt as he went. He pressed him back until his back arched over the blue ledge and snatching a handful of hair, he pressed his lips to Yuri’s. Toe picks dug into the ice for traction as he hoisted Yuri’s legs around his waist and dipped him back to rest his shoulders on the edge of the rink, kissing down his chest.

“Ah, Viktor. Are we really going to do this here?”

“Tell me this has never been a fantasy of yours.” Viktor’s lips found a particularly sensitive spot on Yuri’s side and he arched up into him and drew him in closer with his legs. “That’s what I thought.” His drew a line up the center of his salt-soaked skin and smiled as Yuri writhed under his tongue. “To be honest, this has been a fantasy of mine as well, but the ice is so sacred to me, I didn’t want to risk leaving bad memories on it by doing this with someone unworthy.”

“Viktor.” Yuri’s eyes flashed up to his, rounded and soft, wavering. “You think I’m…”

“Worthy of branding memories of you all over my life? Absolutely. Nothing would make me happier than making every single moment and space in my life unlivable without you.”

The tears spilled down Yuri’s cheeks. “But you just met me.”

Viktor ran his fingers over his cheeks, wiping away the tears. “Yuri, I fell in love with the ice the very moment I stepped foot on it. That love has lasted for twenty years and has only gotten stronger. That first step was love, but it was also fear. That fear has lived side by side with my love for the ice and for good reason. The ice is demanding and unforgiving of mistakes. With you, there is only love. Even though I’m making foolish mistakes like falling in love with you within hours; asking to be coach, competitor, and lover all at once; and rushing heart first into a future with you, I feel safe and that even with all of my mistakes, you’ll catch me in warm arms.”

“You… love me?”

“Obviously. Yuri Katsuki, my actions are not that of an indifferent man.” He grabbed Yuri’s hand and brought his knuckles to his lips. “If you’d rather I tell you something you don’t have to think about: I love you, Yuri. It’s okay if you’re not ready to say the same yet. I know you have feelings for me as your idol and as the man you met tonight, and I hope in time those will turn into a more substantial love.”

“More substantial love for you, Viktor? If my love for you gets any more substantial, my heart will be crushed under the weight of it. I fell in love with you at first sight twice. The first time, I loved a statue of a man: majestic; god-like; perfect. I’ve lived half of my life admiring this perfect being as he inspired me to achieve things that would have been impossible without him.

Before I tell you about the second, let me tell you a story. My mom has this vase that was my grandmother’s and before that my great grandmother’s. It has the most the most gorgeous blue flowers all over it. They’re so soft. Like they were painted with the fog that settles low in the mountains in the mornings. My mom loves it so much. One day when I was a little kid, I came home from skating practice and I was so excited about learning a new spin that I was spinning all over the house trying to get my arms and legs just right. I’m sure you see where this story is going. That vase crashed down and I thought my life was over. I burst into tears and my mom came over and saw the broken vase and looked at me and there was this moment where I thought my own mother was going to hate me forever for breaking this vase, but she hugged me and said, ‘I’ve been waiting forever for this vase to get broken. It’s been sitting silent on that shelf for decades. I felt so bad for it; all perfectly beautiful with nothing to say. Thank you, Yuri. You gave it a fantastic story. One day you’ll be a world-famous ice skater and this vase can say that it remembers when you were just a small boy who had more love for skating than talent for it.’ I didn’t understand until she brought it back from being fixed. Instead of trying to hide the cracks to force it back into an impossible perfection, they filled the cracks with gold. Now that vase is even more beautiful because it tells the story of a little boy’s dreams and a mother’s unconditional love.

Tonight, was the second time I fell in love with you. My perfect, beautiful Viktor Nikiforov shattered and he’s so much more beautiful for it.”

“Yuri.” Viktor leaned forward, wrapping his arms tight around Yuri’s waist, pressing his ear to his chest. “Yuri. You are so perfect. I can’t believe I found you in a cleaning supply closet.” Viktor started laughing as tears dripped onto Yuri’s chest. “Of all the places to find something so extraordinary.”

Yuri grabbed his face in his hands and pressed a kiss into him as his hands slid around Viktor’s neck. His hand traveled down Viktor’s stomach, slowing over each bulge of muscle before letting it drop to the next. The look in Yuri’s eyes when they lifted from studying Viktor’s body to his eyes wrapped through every pathway of his heart and yanked it into his grip. He looked like he was about to cry, but didn’t want to let his tears cloud a single second. He only had a moment’s warning when the look in his eyes flashed into one of fierceness before Yuri was pulling him down by his hair and his lips burned his cooled neck.

“I need you, Viktor. Please. Now. I need you so badly it hurts.” Viktor’s hand fumbled between them in the limited space Yuri left him to remove his pants as Yuri’s tremors rolled down his spine. Finally undone, he grabbed a bottle from his pocket before they slid down his legs to the ice. He held it towards Yuri with his one free hand. Yuri looked at it confused for a moment before he got the silent request and popped the lid open with a grin. “Do you always walk around with lube in your pocket?”

“No, I scandalized the maître d’ while you were in the restroom.”

“You didn’t.”

“I did. I told him, ‘You know that incredibly sexy Japanese man I’m dining with? I promised to fuck him until he begs for mercy and I’m not sure when that will happen, but I want to be prepared for every possibility. Would you mind terribly running to the drugstore and picking me up some lube and condoms? I’ll make it well worth your while.’”

Whatever switch had flipped a moment ago flipped back and the Yuri who quaked at the idea of stripping bare reappeared. “You didn’t.” Viktor watched in fascination the ever-shifting man under his fingertips, running them over him trying to locate the secret to him.

“Oh, I did.”

“Oh my god.” Yuri’s face turned red in belated, second-hand embarrassment. “Do me a favor. Keep this on you at all times from now on. I don’t want you scandalizing every staff member we meet.”

“At all times?”

Yuri nodded and pulled his head down close to his ear, dropping his voice. “I have legendary stamina. You promised to fuck me until I begged for mercy. I’ll bet you a hundred blowjobs that it’ll be you begging for mercy.” Yuri’s smile struck straight through Viktor’s chest.

“Wow. Yuri… You said you… but you’re so… And you just keep… Wow.” Viktor froze, staring into Yuri’s eyes, his mouth rounded in shock.

“Are you going to make good on your promise or not? As sexy as it is to play out this fantasy, this board is getting a bit hard on my back.”

“Oh, right. Sorry. But perhaps if you’re worried about expediency, don’t send me into shock with your heart-stopping seduction.” He wriggled out of his shirt and folded it up, lifting Yuri just enough to slip it in behind his shoulders. “Better?”

“Almost. I’m still waiting to see if you’re a man of your word or not.”

Viktor grinned as he tipped the bottle onto Yuri’s ass making him squirm at the sudden cold. He placed the bottle on the board then started teasing his hole eliciting a frustrated groan from the man wrapped around his waist. “When’s the last time you’ve done this?”

Redness flashed on his cheeks. “Um. About t-two years.” Viktor cocked his head and Yuri answered his unspoken question. “I decided that I wasn’t going to sleep with anyone until I was certain that they meant something special to me and that I meant something to them too.”

“Oh, Yuri.” Viktor winced like he was in pain as his heart squeezed tight. “You keep flipping between Eros and Agape and my heart is utterly wrecked.”

“Hmm… That is a problem. Maybe Eros and Agape should just fuck already and join into something that makes them bigger than the solitary pieces they are.”

“Yuri! You just gave me a brilliant idea for programs next year! See? I knew you were going to be great as a coach. So, what I’m thinking is-”

“Oh my god, Viktor. Has anyone ever told you you talk too much? Tell me later!” Yuri whined and pressed his calves into his back.

Viktor chuckled. “Okay, just give me one second to grab the condom before my fingers get too messy.” He reached for his pants at his ankles but Yuri grabbed his wrist.

“I’m clear and I don’t want anyone but you. If you’re the same, we don’t need it.”

“Yes.” Viktor’s eyes went wide as he nodded his head. “I’m absolutely the same. I never want anyone but you again.” He moved his hand back to Yuri’s hole and started stroking it more earnestly. Yuri groaned and pulled Viktor’s shorts down then grabbed the bottle of lube to slick his hand up and ran it over Viktor’s cock caressing it and smiling as Viktor’s eyes started rolling back in his head. He pushed Viktor’s hand aside and started pressing Viktor’s cock into himself. His legs wobbled for a moment and he grasped Yuri tighter for support. “Ah, Yuri! You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“No, I’m not. I have done this by myself more recently. And I swear to god, Viktor, if you don’t shut up and fuck me already, I’m going to make you regret it at practice. I have been waiting eleven years for this and I think I’m going to die if I have to wait one more second.”

Viktor pressed in slowly, admiring the perfect flutter of Yuri’s eyelashes as his eyes rolled back. “You wanted this when you were eleven?”

“Yes.” Yuri huffed as Viktor finally slid all the way in. “I didn’t know I wanted this specifically, but I knew that I wanted you.”

“Yuri…” Viktor dragged his hips back, feeling Yuri’s grasping pressure harder on his back. “Can you say that again?”

“I wanted you?” Viktor nodded and started his slow press back into him. “I wanted you, Viktor. Wanting you has been a constant pulse in my life that has beat next to my own heartbeat. I wanted you when you were perfect, and I need you now that you’re so much better than perfect.” He clenched his legs to drive him all the way in making Viktor stumble forward and press his free hand to Yuri’s stomach to right himself again.

“Yuri.” Viktor finally relieved him of his shameless begging and thrust into him with as much force as he could gather from his toe pick gripping the ice. He needed more. He gripped the board with his free hand and leaned over Yuri to switch between admiring his blissed-out face and pressing kisses anywhere he could reach. His pulls away from him were stunted as Yuri’s reluctance to let him go even a little blocked his motion so he felt as though he were just driving deeper and deeper into Yuri. Their bodies splintered along the fault line of their cooled skin and heated core leaving their nerves firing all over like a lightning storm.

He shifted Yuri’s hips a little higher and Yuri’s head fell back with a groan that rumbled through his belly. “Oh, Viktor! Right there.”

Their bodies slicked with sweat struggled to keep their grasp on each other as they increased the pace to match their racing hearts. “Yuri… Yuri. I don’t know how much… longer… I’m… close. I don’t have a free hand. Can you… touch yourself. Please.”

Yuri shook his head and locked Viktor’s lips into a deep kiss. “Unnecessary. I’m already… so close. You’re so good, Viktor.” He used his free hands to grasp at Viktor’s body like he just might disappear if he didn’t hold on tight enough.

Viktor pressed his forehead to Yuri’s. “Good. That’s what you… called me earlier. Haven’t had anyone call me good. Either bad things or perfect things. Never just… good.” Viktor’s body started trembling and Yuri helped their rhythm with his legs and arching back.

“So, so good, Viktor.” Yuri cupped his face in his hand and kissed him before ripping away as pleasure stole their control, their cries echoing through the empty rink. They stilled and Yuri pulled him back in for another kiss. “You’re so good, Viktor.”

They stumbled off the ice through the small door before collapsing onto the mats. Viktor pulled him into his arms and drew little patterns on his soaked skin as their bodies heaved forgotten air back in. “Looks like neither of us begged for mercy.”

Yuri’s eyes flicked up to his. “Oh, you think I’m done with you, Nikiforov? We’re just getting started. We’re going back to the hotel and we’re not coming back out again until one of us concedes defeat.”

Viktor’s eyes flashed wide. “Yuri! So… bold.” A playful smile softened his face again. “So, tell me more about this bet. A hundred blowjobs you said?”

Yuri nodded. “A hundred blowjobs to be given out any time the winner wishes.”

“You mean that if I win, I’ll be able to just order you to your knees any time I wish a hundred times?”

“No, more like when I win, you’ll be dropping to your knees any time I wish, Nikiforov.”

Viktor gasped. “Don’t count me out yet, Katsuki. I’m not used to losing.”

Yuri gave him a smirk that sent his heart slamming into his chest. “Get used to it.”

They scrambled to their feet, removing skates and throwing clothes on in a hurried mess. They raced out past the guards at the front door, giggling and holding hands, Viktor sending them a grateful wave over his shoulder.


	3. Chapter 3

“‘Nikiforov: just what is this man thinking?’ Why do they need psychologists to analyze my every public word when I’ve already told them straight out that I switched coaches to make me be the best I could be for this season?” Viktor closed his laptop with a thunk and took a sip of his coffee.

“Well, you did pick a second-rate competitor for your coach. You love surprising the audience. I don’t think you could have picked a better way to do it if you tried.”

“You’re not second-rate! You won silver at the Rostelecom! I only got bronze. I’m still not getting it quite right and the Grand Prix is so close. I don’t know if I can do this.” Yuri stood up and padded over on the tatami mats and sat down next to him, wrapping his arm around him. “I don’t know how to show them and still give them what they’re looking for. They keep looking for Viktor Nikiforov, the god. They don’t want Viktor Nikiforov, the human.” 

“You keep thinking that they don’t want you. I wanted you.”

Viktor looked up to his warm eyes. “But that’s you. You’re special. You’re the only one who’s ever seen me like that and wanted me.”

“That’s not true. Alexei wanted you. Let me show you something. Oneesan! Come here for a second, please?”

Mari meandered out from the kitchen, flour covering her apron, her blonde-tipped hair sticking up into more of a mess than usual. “Yeah? What is it? I’m working here, ya know.”

“I know. Sorry. Can you tell Viktor all of my flaws?”

“Huh? Why? Wait. Never mind. I don’t need to know why. He’s an anxious little shithead who was the biggest dork as a child and only got dorkier over time. He is frustratingly lazy around the house even though I know he can work his ass off when he wants to. He just sees chores as beneath him or something. Mom had to bribe him with Viktor paraphernalia just to get him to help around the house while I just had to do it because it was expected. That little yapping dog? He got that for scrubbing out the onsen. Do you know how many times I’ve done that with nothing more than a ‘good job, Mari’? Ugh, so unfair.

He promised to get his degree and he’s been taking forever and now he put school on hold so he can take the great Viktor Nikiforov from winning gold to winning bronze. Seriously, Yuri, how do you fuck that one up? He’s Viktor Nikiforov! And I know far more about you than I ever wanted to know due to his incessant yapping on the subject. Years, Viktor. Years. Do you have any idea how much information Yuri can cram into my head about you over the span of years? You know when I hear that dog bark, I don’t hear a dog barking. I hear Yuri telling me yet another useless fact about the great Viktor. ‘Oneesan, did you know that Viktor was doing triple axels after he’d been skating for just two years? Oneesan, did you know that Viktor choreographs all his own programs and picks the music and everything? Oneesan, did you know that Viktor loves potato pancakes in the morning? I’m going to learn how to make them so that if I ever meet him, I’ll be able to feed him breakfast.’ Do you have any idea how hard it was not to laugh hysterically at my twelve-year-old little brother planning his after-sex meal to impress his idol?”

“If I remember correctly, you did start laughing hysterically. Rolling on the floor and everything.”

“Well, like I said, it was really hard not to.”

“Yuri! That’s so sweet!” Viktor smiled his big, dorky smile he only ever gave in private and threw his arms around a deeply red Yuri and kissed his cheek.

“Oh, and he cries so much. So, so-”

“Okay, okay, Oneesan. You’ve proven my point. You could go on about my list of flaws for a while, couldn’t you?”

“I can go on about as long as you could talk about Viktor without a break.” She narrowed her eyes at him and pulled a cigarette from the box.

Yuri cringed. “But you still love me, right?”

“Of course, I do. You’re my dorky, lazy, idiot brother.”

“And you cheer for your dorky, lazy, idiot brother at competitions and want him to win?”

“Loudly. Everyone who talks to me for more than fifteen minutes knows that I have a little brother who is a champion ice skater and is going to kick that stupid Viktor Nikiforov’s ass the moment he can pull his head out of his own.”

Yuri’s mouth twitched into a smile. “Thanks, Oneesan.”

“Uh huh.” She headed back to the kitchen and waved over her shoulder before she flicked her lighter on and lit her cigarette.

“See? No one can both hate you and love you like a sibling. I guarantee that Alexei was picking that music for his idiot little brother, not for Viktor Nikiforov, the god. And he wanted the judges and the audience to love you as much as he does. Come on. Time for practice.” Yuri grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet.

“Wait.” Viktor wrapped his arms tight around Yuri. “Thank you.” He pulled back with a grin on his face. “You were really planning post-sex meals with me when you were twelve?”

“I was twelve! I didn’t know what that was! I just read that you liked them and was a big enough dork that I wanted to make them for you. I didn’t exactly consider how I’d be having breakfast with you.”

“He spent weeks, Vicchan!” Mari poked her head out from the kitchen. “Weeks in the kitchen learning how to make them. Do you know how many awful potato pancakes I ate because our parents didn’t want to waste the food? I tried to teach him to make katsudon so me and mom wouldn’t have to every time he wanted it, but no. He couldn’t be bothered. He better have made them for you and they better have been fantastic.”

“He did, and they were. The best I’ve ever had.” He grinned and hugged Yuri tight, kissing his cheek.

“Good.” Mari grumbled under her breath as she went back into the kitchen.

They headed to the rink, Makkachin and Vicchan tumbling down the street behind them. Vicchan got tired after a few blocks, drained of energy from his treatments, so Yuri carried him the rest of the way, cooing to him while Makkachin jumped and bumped Yuri’s arm with his nose trying to get him to return his friend. “He’s getting a bit better, yeah? He made it three blocks today.”

“He looks brighter too.” He ruffled the fur of the miniature Makkachin in Yuri’s arms.

“Thank you, Viktor.”

“For what?”

“For finding that doctor and for paying for it. I know it’s not cheap.”

Viktor shrugged. “I owed you, remember? And even if I didn’t, I’m happy I’m able to help him. He looks so happy to have his Yuri home again.”

“Yeah.” Yuri nodded. “It’s good to be home. I feel bad that you had to leave your home so I could be here.”

“Peters was never really home. I miss Yakov and my rink mates, but everything else there was so empty. I love Hasetsu. Your family has been really great to me.”

“They love you, you know. My mom keeps asking me when you’re going to start calling her Okasan.”

“Okasan?”

Yuri blushed and pressed his fist into his thigh. “Mom.”

Viktor’s eyes went wide, eyebrows pulling up in the middle. “Yuri! She really wants me to call her that?”

He nodded. “Otosan is dad. Mari would be called Oneesan. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I know it’s still pretty early, but-” Viktor stared pointedly out over the river as they walked over the bridge feeling Yuri’s eyes on him. “Viktor? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-”

“No, Yuri. I’m just… trying not to cry is all.”

“Why are you trying not to cry?”

“Because I’m a little overwhelmed and I don’t want you to think that I’m a huge crybaby. I’m not. That first night I met you was the first time I’ve cried in years.”

“Why should you care if I see you cry? It obviously didn’t scare me off the first time and you cried a lot that night.” Yuri nudged him with his elbow trying to draw his attention back. Viktor looked over to see his smile. “And you heard what Mari said about me. I’m no stranger to tears. Humans cry, Viktor. I don’t care if you cry, just tell me why you’re crying. I’m sorry if I upset you by pushing too fast.”

“Yuri, that’s what you think? I was crying because I’m happy. Your family…”

“Loves you? Wants you? Is your family too?” Viktor nodded as he lost his battle and tears spilled down his cheeks. “And keep in mind, they’ve smelled your feet after you come home from practice. If love can withstand that, it can withstand anything.”

“Yuri!” Viktor threw his arms around him. “I love you so much, Yuri. Are you okay with me calling them that?”

“Of course. We all want you, Viktor, smelly feet and all. You’re an incredible person who scatters light that warms people everywhere you go. Of course, we all want to claim you as ours.”

“Yours.” Viktor pulled his blushing boyfriend into a short but deep kiss. “That’s the best thing you’ve ever called me.”

Viktor reached past his limits and stumbled, catching himself before he fell with his skates clattering on the ice. “Ugh, Yuri! I don’t know how to give more without losing it.”

“Vitya, what’s the point of achieving something you’re reaching for if you have nothing to bring it back to? What do you do with it when it’s yours if there is no you left to possess it?”

Viktor wiped the sweat out of his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I know you studied ballet, did you ever study any other form of dance?”

“Not really. Sometimes for performances to get inspiration on how to move, but never anything intensively.”

“Okay, you know how in ballet the movement has to originate in the core of your body before it flows out to the limbs?” Viktor nodded. “Right and then that energy is released into lightness. It’s like the energy flows out and dissipates as it gets to the fingertips until they just float. With more passionate, earthly dances that energy stays solid in the limb and stays deeply connected to your core instead of separating from it. It’s like how a wave doesn’t lose any power as it comes to shore; it gathers more and more power from every inch it travels. You’re letting your energy separate from your core and letting it go through your fingers, leaving you with nothing. Hold on to the movements and the power. It’s yours. You’re reaching, but not at the expense of losing yourself. Reach while still feeling the movement connect all the way through you.”

Yuri skated up next to him and pressed his hand to his stomach. “Okay, so start here. Feel the power start to lift your arm from deep in your center, just like in ballet, but don’t let this go. Good, now slowly push through the movement, feeling each muscle giving more power to it as it goes through you.” Yuri left his hand on Viktor’s stomach and used the other to trace the path as he moved. “Good, use your back too. The muscles that connect to your arm connect all the way down your back and side. Feel those muscles working, giving more power to the wave. Keep your joints supple though. Don’t use so much muscle that the fluidity is ruined. When you feel that grip from one muscle to another straining, push it just a hair further and stop. Don’t go past that last little stretch or you risk breaking the connection. Good. Just like that. Let’s go through it again a little faster together.” Yuri reset his hands and let his fingertips skim over his body following the motion Viktor created. “Nice. Let me see it now at full speed, keeping that same feeling, okay?”

Viktor nodded and pushed back to give himself room to move. He tried to picture a wave just as Yuri said and felt it rush through his body and crash out his fingertips as it reached shore. “Wow. That felt really different than how Lilia would have told me to do it. Was it okay?”

“It was great, Vitya. You’ve trained so hard to project ultimate grace and lightness. Your movements look like they barely touch your body; like nothing can touch you. You can’t project desperation and pain while not letting it touch you. Those aren’t emotions that settle lightly on anyone. When you are trying to project that pain, it looks like it’s tearing you apart. All that lightness you’ve trained for is giving you a fragile effect. I think what people want to see is someone living with the negative emotions and staying in control through the power that they have. They want to see the fight and they want to see you win. They want to see that the emotion doesn’t destroy you because it helps them feel like theirs won’t destroy them either. Now go through it again, but never lose your connection to yourself. However much pain you want to project, you need to hold an equal amount of strength.”

Viktor pushed back to the center and waited for Alexei’s music to start. Pain, loss, desperation, want for impossible things, devastation. None of these things he had ever associated with strength. Lilia had talked of how beauty came from strength, but he hadn’t wanted to project beauty. There was nothing beautiful in losing Alexei. There was nothing beautiful in losing a boy destined to become a great man. There was nothing beautiful in wishing it had been you instead. But Yuri talked of strength as if it were just what life required. Of course, Yuri would think of that. He never gets anywhere without strength taking him there. His own gentle, timid nature demands that of him. You wouldn’t expect to find someone like Yuri competing at the top levels of one of the most demanding sports. Maybe that was the secret to his performances, the core of his charm. He was a gentle man who possessed enough strength to counter his softness. He was vulnerable without letting it break him. What was the source of Yuri’s strength? What was the source of his? How had he gotten to the top of one of the most demanding sports? He loved skating of course, but that’s not enough to push someone to here. It just seemed like a path he went down because he could because any other path was nothing but darkness. Who laid the light for him to see this one and no others? He reached in his final grasp and realized that with his mind distracted, his hand changed from his original position reaching for something above him to reach for Yuri. He looked out past his fingertips to the smiling man he really could grasp.

“Better, Vitya! You lost it regularly, but you kept coming back to that inner connection. You really are improving though. I’m starting to see my beautiful, strong Viktor in that performance.”

Yuri muttered something under his breath that Viktor didn’t catch. He skated up and grabbed his hip with one hand and his chin with the other. “What was that?”

“Oh. Just things you wouldn’t approve of.”

“Uh huh. Tell me.”

“Um, I was just saying that I couldn’t believe that my words were somehow making Viktor Nikiforov improve.”

Viktor glanced past Yuri’s head to the clock behind him while Yuri fidgeted, waiting for his punishment. “Perfect timing. It’s my turn to coach now. Yes, your words are making me improve more than I have in years. I hadn’t realized it, but I was reaching the end of what Yakov could teach me. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great coach and no one makes clean skaters like him, but I don’t need much work on my technicals anymore. Lilia is great too at creating perfect beauty, but perfect beauty does this program injustice, and really, how many perfectly beautiful performances can I do? She threw a fit with my program last year and I was left to figure out much of it on my own. When it comes to winning competitions, no one beats them, but when it comes to a performance that has so much heart and meaning it floods the audience, no one touches you. You’re truly an amazing coach. I’m not saying that as your lover or as your coach, but as your student who desperately wants to win gold in a performance that means everything to him. Yuri, you’re so talented, that you’re taking the best skater in the world and making him better. It’s still a bit rough, but I can feel the pieces coming together and you’re the gold that’s filling my cracks.” He pulled Yuri into him to kiss his smiling, blushing face. “Now, let’s get you warmed up.” He watched Yuri skate around feeling out his body and how it was responding today, working out any kinks he found. “Yuri, what’s your strength?”

“What are you talking about? Like skill sets? I thought you already knew that.”

“No, I mean the source of your strength, what is it? What is it that gives you the strength to keep pushing forward into doing this in spite of your anxiety?”

Yuri smiled his favorite smile. “I thought you knew that one too. It’s you, Viktor.”

As much as his heart wanted to hold on to that answer, he wanted the truth more. “Lots of people admire me, Yuri. Most of them will never push themselves like you have to reach me. I may be your focus, but I’m not the source of your strength.” Yuri slid to a stop and looked between Viktor and the ice in confusion. “Why did you stop? You can think and skate at the same time.”

“Not really. Not when you just chipped off a huge chunk of my world view.” He looked up into Viktor’s eyes. “You’re right. I always just thought it was you driving me forward because I felt that pull towards you so strong, but… I think you represent an ideal for me to reach. You are the ultimate form of expression that is possible on the ice. When I saw you, I understood something that I hadn’t before. Even now I can’t put it into words. It’s like you spoke to me and told me something about myself and I had to respond. I wanted to be fluent in your language. It has more meaning for me than any other language that I speak.”

“What is it that you want to say?”

“I don’t know…” Yuri looked up at him, a bit of pain in his face. “I always let Celestino pick my music and choreography and I found meaning in it after it was given to me, but I never tried to actually speak in the language of skating myself. I always wanted to like how you do, but I never had the courage to.”

“Yuri, you don’t lack courage. I think that you thought that since you flub someone else’s performances, it would be even harder to do your own, but the source of your strength is silenced right now.” He pressed his finger to his lips. “Hmm… how do we fix this in the middle of a season?... Okay, I’m going to put on your music and I want you to move to it however you like. Ignore your choreography for right now.”

“Viktor, just what is it that you’re planning? We can’t change my choreography now. It’s too late.”

“Hey, I’m your coach, aren’t I? Don’t I get to decide what kind of practice that you do? I didn’t say anything about changing your choreography.”

“You didn’t have to say it, Viktor. I know that’s what you’re planning and you have no limit to the insanity of your ideas. Tell me I’m wrong.”

“Just do it, Yuri. Aren’t you supposed to respect your coach’s decisions?”

“Yeah, but I somehow ended up with an insane person for my coach. I have to make sure he doesn’t throw us both off a cliff.”

“Don’t you trust me?” Viktor tilted his head and gave him a wink.

“So, you’re playing that card, huh?”

Viktor grinned. “Get to it then. Let me see your fine ass telling me what’s in your soul.” He pulled out his phone to record the performance. This wasn’t going to be something to forget.

“Ugh, Viktor!” His voice ceased his protests, but his face continued them as he moved to the center of the ice.

Yuri’s music this year was a piece that portrayed elegance and the levity of love. It wasn’t bad, but it also wasn’t the right choice for Yuri. Maybe Celestino had chosen it because it would have suited Viktor and he thought that imitating his style would help to inspire him. Not a bad idea for someone as devoted to Viktor as Yuri was, but overall the effect just wasn’t working. Yuri had studied ballet, and while he could do lightness, it wasn’t him. He was power and grace and sensuality with absolutely killer dance moves. He wasn’t going to reach the top by imitating someone so different from him. His own style started leaking out as he moved transforming the piece into one of dichotomy much like his copied routine of Viktor’s.

Viktor chuckled under his breath. Yuri had told him that he wasn’t comfortable with portraying sexuality, but he did it without thinking when he just freed himself to move as he wished. It underpinned everything he did on the ice. What had crawled into that man’s mind to tell him that he just wasn’t like that? Next year, Viktor was going to shove him so hard out of his comfort zone. He smiled as the image of Yuri’s reaction to his plans came to mind. Yuri looked at him just then and smiled back throwing even more sensuality into his moves. God, what that man can do when he moves. It could work. If Yuri forgot his planned routine, he could just work in any moves he felt like and they’d fit with everything else because it was all his, but did it work? The devil doing a dance of love? The angel doing the dance of sin definitely worked, but this felt different. He knew people would react much stronger to the idea of sin knowing of love than the other way around.

Viktor hit stop on the recording. “Congratulations, Yuri! You just choreographed your first routine!”

Yuri’s heaving breath left his protests sputtering before real words would come out. “Viktor! I can’t change my routine now! It’s only two weeks to the Grand Prix! You’re insane! I knew you were insane! I knew you were going to do this. Why? I’ve been doing well with the old routine. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it. I’m not changing it.”

“Yuri…”

“I’m not doing it, Viktor. I’ve worked so hard to get here and qualify for the Grand Prix. I don’t want to mess it up now. I did win a silver medal with my routine.” Yuri’s voice took on a determined tone in spite of the gleam in Viktor’s eye he hadn’t yet managed to defeat. “I’m not doing it, Viktor. I mean it. I don’t care if you are my coach. I have a say here too."

“Yuri…” Viktor skated up next to him and tipped his chin up with his fingertips. “How did it feel?”

“What do you mean? Why are you asking me pointless questions? I’m not doing it, Viktor.”

“Yuri, you wouldn’t disrespect your coach so much as to not answer his questions, would you?”

“It felt… it felt like… like…” Yuri pushed his hand away and closed his eyes tight. “I hate you so much right now, Viktor. You are the worst coach in the world, you know that? Celestino would have never done this to me. You’re so stupid. So, so bad, Viktor.”

Viktor tipped his chin back up and waited for his eyes to open. “It’s a good thing bad looks so good on you.”


	4. Chapter 4

Alexei loved making little statues and toys. He’d carefully carve a mold out of a bar of soap and pour in the melted lead. One time he made a little Eiffel Tower. It was a bit crooked and the details didn’t come out the way he planned, but he gave it to Viktor with a sheepish smile and an apology for his craftsmanship. Of course, he perhaps should have been more concerned about the lead, but that wasn’t a known concern in Russia in those days. Viktor had forgotten about that. How could he have forgotten? The memory was so clear now as his body twisted over the ice. He smiled so brightly when Viktor held it up to the light to admire it.

“It’s so beautiful, Lyosha! You’re so talented! You said this is a real thing?”

“Yes. It’s in Paris, France. Paris is such an incredible place. I really want to go there someday. They have the most amazing buildings and food and it’s so romantic. If I ever manage to make a girl fall in love with me, I’d take her there.”

“Ew, girls. Why would you want to make a girl fall in love with you? Boys are so much cuter.”

Alexei laughed and poked him in the chest. “I think girls are much cuter, but I suppose you could take a boy too if you really wanted to.”

“Really? I can do that? Make a boy fall in love with me instead of a girl?”

“Sure, why not? You’re so sweet, I bet you could make anyone you want fall in love with you. Just make sure whatever boy you choose to fall in love with is a lot more responsible than you. You’d be so hopeless without me to keep you in line. Oh, and he should be kind too. Maybe a bit more down to earth to help you keep your feet on the ground. Smart, of course.”

Viktor brushed his hands around his body and fell into a controlled, desperate stumbling across the ice.

“And cute. Can he be cute too? And a good skater. I don’t think I could get along with anyone who doesn’t love skating like I do.”

“Hey! What am I, chopped liver? I don’t skate, but we get along.”

“Yeah, but if I could choose anyone, I’d like it better if they skate like me.

“Okay, he can be a skater if that’s really important to you, but don’t overlook someone who may not be completely perfect. Remember, you’re not perfect either. Pick someone who can manage to love you even after they smell your feet.

“Hey! My feet don’t smell!”

“Oh, they do. Seriously, Vitya, do you rub onions on them at the ice rink or something?”

“You’re such a jerk, Lyosha!” He lunged for him, but Alexei danced away laughing, his green eyes sparkling so brightly.

“Make sure he’s just as sweet as you, Vitya!”

Viktor touched down from his quad flip, laughing.

“Hey! Come back here!”

Alexei mimicked a twirl across the ice to slip out the bedroom door then leaned back into the room, his hands pressed on either side of the doorway. “Sorry, I’ve got a song to pick, right? I’ve almost decided. I should have a decision for you after school. I made a new tape with my favorite one of the ones you gave me and one that I really like and I think would suit you so I’m still trying to decide between the two. Oh yeah, make sure he’s better at making decisions than you are.” 

“Lyosha!” Viktor whined then looked up with worried eyes. “What do I have to be to make someone like that fall in love with me?”

“Just be you.”

“That’s it? It doesn’t seem fair that he has to be all those things and I only have to be me. And I’m not all that loveable. I’ve only managed to make one person in my whole life love me. Why would someone that perfect love me?”

“Vitya, you’re so loveable it’s frightening.”

Tears whipped from his eyes through his spin. You would have loved him, Lyosha. He’s so perfect. Everything I wanted him to be and exactly who you knew I needed him to be. And all I had to be was me. Thank you for teaching me how to recognize him before you left. I miss you so much, Lyosha. I hope I’ve made you proud. Viktor reached for something he knew he could never grasp again, but this time it was okay. This time he didn’t have to try for the impossible. What he needed was already his. He turned back to the beaming face of his love holding tears mirroring the ones on his own.

He skated back to him where Yuri grabbed him from the ice into the warmest of hugs. “That was so good, Vitya.”

They stumbled arm in arm to the kiss and cry and sat waiting, not caring at all what the scores were. “Was it right? It felt right.”

“It was so right. So good. It will go down as my favorite Viktor performance of all time. I’m so proud of you. Thanks for making me look like a halfway decent coach.”

“Pssh, I better have made you look like the best coach in the world! Your modesty is knocking me down here too.”

“Nikiforov’s done it again!” The voice on the loudspeaker rattled through the roaring arena. “Another shattered world record! 221.46! This was something to remember, folks. We’ve never seen a Viktor like this before.”

They gripped each other like they needed nothing else in the world other than each other’s arms throughout Christophe’s entire skate. It was Yuri who heard the music ending and broke apart from him. “You’re such a terrible coach, Viktor. I would have missed my start if I left it up to you.” He gave him a kiss on the cheek before he headed for the ice.

Viktor ran up and caught him in another hug before he stepped onto the ice. “Make me look good anyways?”

He looked up with a smile forced over his trembling nerves. “For you, anything.” He stepped onto the ice with a steadying sigh.

“He means anything, Viktor.” Mari scooted next to him along the boards. “Literally anything. There is not a limit that this boy has expressed in doing something for his beloved Viktor Nikiforov. I once got him to do all of my chores for a month by buying him a poseable Viktor doll. Best yen I’ve ever spent.”

Viktor laughed as he looked out over the ice, waiting with nerves almost as bad as Yuri’s for his music to start. “I thought you said he was lazy.”

“No, I said frustratingly lazy because I know he’s not. He just has to be motivated enough. Nothing has ever motivated him like you. Thanks for existing for my little brother’s sake. He would have never made it here without you.” Viktor dared a glance away from his Yuri to give her a smile. “You gave a stunning tribute to your brother. I know he can’t say it himself, so I hope you don’t mind me saying it for him. You did great. Don’t tell Yuri this, but you made me tear up, just a little. He always told me that I was just too blind and ‘unrefined’ to get your greatness. Maybe I am, but apparently, you can make the blind see. Now, don’t ever mention it again or I will be forced to make you regret it.” She pinched his arm just hard enough to convey her seriousness then looked back to the ice as Yuri’s performance started. “Have you noticed that Yuri blushes on the ice more than he used to?” Viktor pressed his lips together. “Viktor? What kind of training techniques are you corrupting my brother with?”

“Shh… I’m watching his performance.”

“Oh, ugh. Is anywhere in the Ice Castle safe?”

“Tell Yuko or Nishigori and I’ll tell Yuri how I made you cry.”

“Oh, ew! I’m never skating there again.”

“We clean up after ourselves.”

“Ew, ew, ew. Just shut up.”

“What are you two chattering about over there? I thought Vicchan would want to watch this.”

“I’m trying to, Okasan. Oneesan won’t shut up.”

“Marichan, stop pestering him! This is important.”

Mari pulled her eyelid down and stuck out her tongue at Viktor before going quiet to watch Viktor fall in love with her brother all over again. Every time Yuri took to the ice was a lesson in falling in love. Yuri had told him that he fell in love with him twice, but Viktor fell in love with Yuri several times a day. He fell in love when he whispered good morning. He fell in love every time Yuri just knew that he needed a hug without being asked. He fell in love every time Yuri moaned in delight when eating his mom’s katsudon. He fell in love when Yuri explained that he refused to make his own because the only one who could make it as good as his mom’s was Mari. He fell in love when Yuri explored every inch of his body like it was the most incredible thing he ever saw. He fell in love when Yuri called him Vitya. He fell in love when Yuri looked at him with the soft eyes he only gave to him. He fell in love most of all when Yuri showed on the ice just how much having Viktor’s imperfect love perfected him.

He flew off the ice straight into Viktor’s arms who spun him around before setting him on his feet. “Go to Paris with me.”

“Huh? Where did that come from?”

“Please, Yuri? I really want to take you to Paris for a nice long vacation to recover from this brutal season and there’s something important that I want to do there.” Yuri nodded into Viktor’s shoulder as they stayed right there at the wall of the arena while Yuri’s scores were read.

Lost in a sea of congratulations, it took a moment for Viktor to notice the older couple standing just outside of the commotion. He grasped for Yuri’s hand to pull him back from the people trying to claim their attention. Yuri forced his way through back to Viktor’s side. “Yuri. Yuri, my parents are here.”

“Good. I guess my message was clear enough.”

Viktor turned with a gasp. “You brought them here?”

“I hope I didn’t cross any lines. I just couldn’t stand seeing that hint of disappointment in your eyes after every competition. I know you have my family now and that helps and maybe you don’t think you need them, but I think there’s still a part of you that does. At the very least, it needs closure. So, if you’re mad at me, please be mad at me later and talk to them now.”

“Mad? I’m not mad at you for this. How could I be? I’ve tried so hard to get them here. How did you do it?”

Yuri gave him a small smile. “I’m Japanese. I know kung fu, obviously. I just threatened them with my mystical eastern powers if they dared to hurt the man I love when he just poured his heart out for the most important performance of his life.”

“When you said you had to go to Tokyo for that JSF conference for the weekend and you didn’t want me to come with you?”

“I went to Moscow.”

“Yuri!”

“Go talk to them.” Yuri tried to nudge him ahead, but Viktor held him tight dragging him along.

“You’re coming with me.” They made their way through the crowd to the couple who looked like they might be about to flee. Arrested by the blue eyes that echoed her husband’s, Ekaterina Nikiforova froze to her spot with a smile trying to fix itself on her face.

“Viktor, you’re looking well. Yuri.” She nodded a greeting to him. “Congratulations to you both.” She patted her dyed blonde hair as if she could tell by touch alone if a hair was out of place.

“Thank you for coming all the way to China to see me.”

Ekaterina shifted and rubbed at her arms. “Yes, well, Yuri said it was important.”

“Yes. I believe I’ve said that before too.” Viktor tried not to see the deep green in her eyes that layered over Vadim’s light eyes to create Alexei’s vivid green. It would be too hard to stay honest if he saw him in her.

“Viktor, be nice to your mother.”

“I didn’t think that pointing out facts was ever unkind. I thought you taught me that, Vadim. I’ve never been unkind to either of you no matter how much you disliked me.” Viktor squeezed Yuri’s hand tight who squeezed back with equal force. He felt bad that they were speaking in Russian in front of Yuri, but he decided that now wasn’t the time for a conversation in a foreign tongue. He could translate later.

“Viktor, we’re your parents. We’ve never disliked you.”

“Oh, we’re going to play that game this time. You know for people such as yourselves, I would think you’d be against playing ‘redefine the terms’. I didn’t realize that liking someone meant disparaging everything they loved, ignoring every plea for a show of support or even just basic attention, and going years without speaking to them when the other party ceases any effort of reaching out.”

A group of reporters inched towards the tense exchange. Yuri turned to them with a glare. “We’ll be with you shortly to provide interviews. Please wait until we’re done here.” One of the reporters stepped closer with his mouth open to speak. “Back off.” Yuri’s voice rumbled. He caught Mari’s eye who swooped over.

“Hey, you guys want the inside scoop on what these two are like out of the public eye? I’ve got all the information you could ever want.” Mari pulled their attention away and gave Yuri a quick grin.

“Do you see that?” Viktor pointed between Mari and Yuri. “That is a family who likes each other. They help each other and support each other. Do you know I’ve received more love and affection from them in the last six months than I have from you my entire life?”

“Then what do you need us for?” Vadim threw his hands out and let them fall to his sides with a heavy smack.

“You’re his parents!” Yuri stepped forward, shielding Viktor behind his shoulder. “I can give him all the love in the world, my parents can try their best, my sister can accept him as her own brother, but all of us combined can’t fill the holes that you and Alexei have left. There’s a hole shaped just for you and if I could, I’d reshape it to fit someone worthier, but I can’t so this is the next best option: trying to make you even a little worthy of the love that Viktor has to give you. No one can bring back Alexei so that hole will remain, but do you really need to leave a man so incredibly good so full of holes when there’s no reason for it at all?

"I never understood how someone could watch him skate and not fall in love with him instantly. It was so obvious to me that this is just a man that you love without question that the idea that anyone could be indifferent is unfathomable. What I understand even less is how his own parents can fail to love him just because he’s different from them. Are your egos so fragile that they can’t handle people who think differently from them?”

“This has nothing to do with our egos. Viktor is a frivolous boy who grew into a frivolous man. We tried so hard to correct that, but he just refused to be taught.”

“Frivolous?” Yuri’s eyes flashed with anger as he took another step forward, putting more of himself in front of Viktor. “Do you have any idea how hard Viktor has worked to achieve what he has? Do you know how much thought and effort he puts into his performances? Are your minds so small they can’t comprehend anything outside of their limited expertise? Viktor works harder than anyone just so that he can bring art into the world for people to be entertained, moved, and inspired by. He is both an athlete and an artist at the same time and no one on this entire planet does it better than him.”

“This isn’t art. This is just a silly competition to see who can prance around the prettiest. None of this matters.”

Yuri’s eyes widened. “Wow. For you to say that to this of all performances… None of this matters? You, Vadim, you teach people how to understand classic literature. Art. You teach people to understand a form of art. Obviously, you think that art form matters. Why that one and not this? That is just one human conveying their experiences and imagination to the world in the form of a story. This is doing the same. Viktor skates to tell the world stories. And writers can explicitly state their meaning when they want, taking the burden of thought from the reader. Your whole job is about helping people understand those remaining implicit parts of the story, teaching the reader how to think of what they could mean with the help of the explicit along the way. Viktor must convey his story entirely through implicit means. The audience can sit passively and just see it as pretty as you choose to do, but don’t assume your lack of thought determines there is no meaning behind it.

"And you, Ekaterina. You teach linguistics and French. You teach people how to communicate in more than one tongue, in more than one pattern. Being a speaker of multiple languages myself, I understand exactly what value that has beyond just being able to talk to more people. Each language has its own words whose meanings only exist in that language; ones for which there is no translation. Not being able to understand a language means that you miss out on that facet of human expression. Some things simply can’t be expressed in another tongue. Skating is a language. Those who understand it extract meaning that doesn’t exist in any other language. Some things exist within people which can’t be expressed through any other language but skating. I don’t expect everyone to understand this language, but you of all people should know that a lack of understanding on someone’s part doesn’t mean that form of expression is useless.

"And I truly can’t believe that both of you say what he did here tonight was meaningless when you have all of that education and brain power just sitting there, fully capable of understanding if you would just care enough to see him. He’s endured fall after fall, bloody and bruised feet, torn ligaments, strained muscles, endless aching day in and day out for years, and crippling loneliness from pursuing a passion to a level few understand. He’s done everything just to get here, just to get good enough to convey how much his brother’s life meant to the world in a language which has the most meaning for him and to say thank you to Alexei for always seeing his worth. Alexei was listening to the very song you heard tonight in Viktor’s performance the moment he died because he wanted to help Viktor choose the right song for his first competition; because he wanted the audience to love him as he did. Viktor repaid him by giving the last sixteen years of his life so that he could stand here tonight showcasing not himself, but the music Alexei chose for him with his last moment on earth. All he wanted his entire career was to say goodbye to his brother in a way that he felt he deserved. He trained to the point of breaking day after day just so he could do that. I’ve never heard of a more dedicated tribute to a loved one in all my life. Alexei would have been proud of him and if you two can still sit there and say that this was meaningless, you don’t deserve either of them as your sons.”

“Yuri,” Viktor breathed the name.

“I haven’t either.” Vadim stared at Yuri, eyes widened, jaw slack before his head fell to face his shined shoes. “I tried to think of an example of an equal or surpassing effort of tribute in any of the books I’ve read or in real life. I came up blank.” He shook his head and looked at his wife before meeting Yuri’s hard gaze again and finally settling on Viktor. “This was the reason you threw a fit to get that Walkman? To get the song?” Viktor nodded. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I tried to. I told you it was important and that Alexei wanted me to have it. You wouldn’t listen. You told me that I was the most spoiled and selfish person on earth to be concerned for such a thing at a time like that.”

“I was so mad when you broke into my office and stole it… I beat you so hard for that.”

“You did.”

“And then again when you threw it back at me the next day.”

“Yes.”

“And all you ever wanted was your brother’s opinion?” Viktor nodded and tears rolled down Vadim’s frozen face. “Vitya… I’m so sorry.” Yuri stepped back and pulled his hand free from Viktor’s giving him a nudge on his shoulder. Viktor looked back at him then stepped forward and offered his arms to his father. Vadim stared at him then stepped out and embraced him, his face buried hard against Viktor’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry we were so blind.”

“Thank you for seeing me tonight.”

“Your Yuri sure has a way with words, doesn’t he?” Ekaterina smiled. “And that’s not even his mother tongue. I’d hate to feel how sharp his Japanese can lash.”

Viktor released his father and glanced back at Yuri before responding. “My Yuri is full of surprises. You know Lyosha chose him for me too. My requirements were that he’s cute and that he skates. Lyosha added in that he should be smart, and down to earth, and good at making decisions, and sweet, and responsible, and good and that he should love me for being nothing but myself. Lyosha always had better taste than I did. He always knew what was most important to look for. After he died, the only thing I could do was to go down the path he pointed me towards and it led me straight to Yuri. I don’t have words to express what Lyosha and Yuri have meant to my life, but luckily for me, Lyosha also made sure I had the language I needed to express it.”

“Oh, Vitya. Oh, bozhe. I’m so sorry.” She pulled him into her arms and colored his cheeks with her kisses until her lipstick was drained of color. Vadim joined them and they held each other tight, focusing on the joy of bonding again after so much lost time and putting on hold the tough work that would still need to be done before their pieces joined smoothly again.

“Vitya.” Yuri spoke softly as he placed his hand on Viktor’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, but we have to go. It’s time for the medal ceremony.” He nodded and they released each other. Ekaterina pulled a handkerchief from her purse to wipe the lipstick from his face. Viktor bent down with a small smile to allow her to reach him.

“Vitya, please let us take you out to dinner before we leave China,” Vadim said.

“We have the banquet tonight, but we should be free tomorrow night if you will still be in town.”

“We can change our flight. How does seven pm sound?”

“It sounds great as long as your invitation extends to Yuri as well.”

“Oh, Viktor, I don’t want to intrude. Please, feel free to enjoy time with them alone.”

“Nonsense, Yuri. We’re going to need a translator.” Ekaterina smiled at him. “We’ve always needed a translator. We haven’t learned each other’s languages yet.”

“Perfect. We’ll both see you tomorrow then.” Viktor waved then grabbed Yuri’s hand and pulled him back towards the ice.

“I’m sorry, Viktor. I promised myself I was just going to support you quietly, but I just got so angry I couldn’t stop myself.”

“Yuri, stop thinking that I don’t want you to intrude on my life. You can’t intrude on something you’re a part of. And since when can you speak Russian?!”

“Um, since about eleven years ago. I’m sorry, my accent is terrible. I didn’t have anyone to practice it with in Japan. Thankfully, I did find someone in America who was Russian so I was able to practice speaking it a little instead of just knowing it from a book, but I’m still so bad at it.”

“Eleven years ago? Yuri, you learned an entire language for me?”

“Two of them, actually.” He smiled Viktor’s favorite smile. “Skating and Russian. I wanted to speak to your soul and your mind.”

“Yuri!” He didn’t have the words to convey the things Yuri did to him so he put everything into that single word and his body instead and held him tight. “Thank you for all of that. I never expected you to act that way.”

Mari came up to poke at Yuri’s shoulder and point at the waiting ice. “It’s something that maybe should have been in his list of flaws, but I love his temper so much. You should have seen him when we ran into the first boy that made me cry.” She pinched Yuri’s cheek. “Now both of you tell me you love me right now.”

“Um, okay. I love you, Oneesan.”

“I love you so much, Oneesan! You’re the best sister ever!”

“Good. Now, remember that when you read the news tomorrow. Bye!”

She ran off before the ‘wait’ could form in Yuri’s mouth. He sighed and they headed for the podium, trying to replace the stress of competition and frayed relationships with joy at achieving what they worked so hard for.

“One point. I lost to you by one point.” Yuri pouted on the podium just below Viktor then looked up with a smile. “No one’s ever deserved that extra point more. I’m so proud of my five-time Grand Prix winner and reclaiming World Champion.”

“You’re not upset at all? You wanted gold so badly and your routine that you worked so hard to finish enough to get silver at the Grand Prix and perfected for Worlds…”

“That’s okay. As long as it’s on your neck, I’m happy with it there. Besides, I’ve already thought of how you can help me recover from my loss.”

“Oh?”

Yuri grabbed the medal around his neck to pull him down to his ear as camera flashes went crazy. “Number eighty-seven. Supply closet. Fifteen minutes.” Viktor stumbled as he released him but Yuri caught him in time to prevent the utter embarrassment of falling off the gold medal podium at the World Championship.

“Oh, aren’t you two so adorable,” Chris purred from his stand for the bronze. “It almost makes up for standing below you. Again. I was so close this time. Ahead of Viktor after the short.” He shook his head slowly. “Yuri, you’ve got some great moves. I’d love to see you on the dance floor tonight. Give me another shot at beating you.”

“You want to dance off against me?” Yuri raised his eyebrows and snuck a glance at Viktor. “You wanna make it interesting? If I win, your programs next year will both be so G-rated a nun could watch them without blushing.”

Chris gasped and pressed his hand to his chest. “Yuri! You want to stifle me?”

“No, more like push you to expand your artistic limits.”

“Alright, then. When I win, your programs will be so raunchy they’ll look like you stole them straight off the stripper pole.”

“Chris, as your longtime friend, I feel it’s my duty to give you a piece of advice here. Do not bet against this man. Back out now while you still have a chance.”

“Don’t worry, Viktor. I think I can handle your precious little Yuri here.” He offered his hand to Yuri with a wink.

Yuri took his hand firmly but waited to give his shake of consent. “I’ll give you a handicap. You can pick the dance we do.”

“Ooh, I love confidence in a man, but I’m going to make you regret saying that.” They shook hands with a nod.

Viktor shrugged. “Your funeral, Chris, just don’t come to me crying after. I tried to warn you.”

Yuri ran his fingers through Viktor’s silky hair in the dark closet filled with the scent of must, Pine Sol, and bleach. Viktor closed his eyes and focused on just how easily Yuri supported his larger frame in his arms. He was so much stronger than he looked and even though Viktor knew this well by now, it still felt as surprising as the first day he had realized it. He twisted back to brush Yuri’s face with his hand and his lips with his kiss.

“Viktor?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you happy?”

“I’m with my Yuri. Of course, I’m happy. Why are you asking me silly questions?” A frown creased his face. “Are you happy?”

“I don’t even know where to start telling you how happy I am. I could probably set a world record on the length of time someone could talk about a single topic. Viktor Nikiforov just fulfilled my every whim because I only got silver at worlds. I thought my fantasies about you were pretty creative, but you… the real you… you surpass my wildest fantasies. I don’t think you realize what a high standard that was to beat.”

“So, you’re saying I win gold in pleasing my Yuri?”

“You win all of the gold. That’s what I was a little worried about. I don’t know how I could possibly make you as happy as you make me. I feel like I lost to you there too.”

Viktor gasped. “Yuri! Then I do have much room for improvement in making you happy. My entire life, people only want to take from me. Take my time, take my picture, my autograph, my words, my charm, my medals, my body, my heart. Whatever they can take, they want it. The only thing you’ve ever taken was all of me. You didn’t try to divide me up into parts to pick and choose from. You took everything I had, every messy and ugly part of me right along with the good and held all of me safe and sound next to you. And every moment I have been by your side, you’ve done nothing but give me your love. You give and you give and you give and I feel like I don’t have enough room to take any more but then my heart swells to fit it all and then it’s like you’re on a mission to fill that too.”

“Hmm… sounds like a serious medical condition, Vitya.”

Viktor laughed and kissed him. “You give me laughter and challenges and more words for me to speak in skating with and the joy of communicating with someone who understands everything you’re trying to say and passion and so much sex. Like seriously, Yuri. What are you made of? It’s like you don’t even have the concept of being tired.”

“I get tired. I just want you more than I want to rest.”

Viktor smiled. “Sweetness. You give me so much sweetness. And surprises. Every day with you is a surprise. I never know which one of my Yuris is showing up at any given moment. You give me family. First, you gave me yours and then you gave me mine. And, Yuri, you gave me myself. You reached right into the god of perfection and demanded me back. I haven’t given you nearly as much as you’ve given me.”

“I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree on that one. But… you’ve given me so much. You’ve worked so hard this season to coach me as well as train yourself. That’s not easy and you have a limited time left that you can compete. You don’t need to be wasting your energy on me. You’ve more than made up for messing with me so… if you’d like me to release you from your promises… all you have to do is say you’re sorry and you’ll be forgiven and free.”

“Free… one of the things I love about the ice. What I always wanted my life to be. I’ve never disliked that word more than hearing it on your lips like that. Yuri, I’ve never regretted anything I’ve ever done in my life less.” He turned around so he straddled Yuri and wrapped himself tightly around him, holding his head to the side so he could kiss his neck up to his ear. He dropped his voice low and in the silkiest rumble he could manage he whispered his most honest truth to his love. “Yuri… I’ll never be sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the first fanfic I've ever written and the first work I've published. I was the only editor so my familiar eyes may have missed some mistakes, but I hope you enjoyed it anyways. All of my respect and credit for the characters goes to the original creator of the series. Yuri On Ice was so brilliantly done and is the first work I've seen that inspired me enough to want to build on her world. I tried my best to stay true to her work, but with my own interpretation of her characters' pasts and motives. I love the alternate universe meetings because there's something about them that is just so comforting to me; the idea that any world in which Yuri and Viktor exist is a world in which they are in love. 
> 
> As a special note, Yuri may seem a bit out of character, but I'm imagining him acting out of a boosted sense of confidence that their unique meeting might have afforded him. I tried to keep that confidence in line with what we've seen from his Eros routine and his comfort with talking to Phichit.
> 
> Feedback, both positive and negative, is welcome. If I suck, please tell me in excruciating detail exactly how I suck. Thank you! :-)


	5. Bonus Chapter (Epilogue)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a just for fun addition to the story which I feel really ends with chapter 4, but, well, I wanted to make Yuri and Chris have their dance off and so I did. It's longer than I planned (No surprise there) so, sorry for my lack of brevity. I apparently do not have the soul of wit. I think it's a fun read anyway and I hope you agree. 
> 
> Oh yeah, lots more smut in this chapter so if you like that sort of thing...

“Yuri, no!” Viktor rushed into the bathroom and yanked his hands away from the hideous powder blue tie he was currently trying to strangle his pretty neck with. “What do you think you are doing? I thought we had an agreement.”

“What agreement would that be? I don’t remember making any agreements about this.”

“Yes. I’ve said so many times that suit and tie belong in a bonfire and nowhere near your fine ass.” He tried to tug the tie from his neck, but as usual, Yuri’s strength was a force he couldn’t beat as he grasped onto the tie leaving them fighting for control while also trying not to strangle the man still wrapped in the hideous fabric.

“That’s not an agreement, Viktor. Is your English getting spotty?”

“Yuri,” he whined. “You’re far too gorgeous for such terrible clothes.” Yuri, having the advantage of knowing exactly how hard he could pull before he got into trouble, gave a hard yank and pulled the tie from Viktor’s hands with a grin. “You’re so not fair. You have such beautiful suits made just for you that will make you look absolutely stunning and you still refuse to wear them.”

“I’m unfair? Who tricked me into getting measured ‘for a new costume for next year’, huh?”

“Well, you are going to need a new costume for next year. You also needed some new suits. I fail to see the problem here. You have choice between a hideous, off-the-rack suit with a stupid sewn on JSF patch complete with a tie in the worst shade of blue or a suit made just for you by one of the finest tailors in the world. That’s not even a choice. The only choice you should be making is if you want to wear the navy or the black one tonight. I personally like the navy better, but the black is great too. Either one will make your ass look like the tastiest katsudon ever.”

“Viktor!” Yuri’s face reddened in the soft light of the city shining in through the frosted panels covering the back wall of the hotel bathroom.

“I don’t understand, Yuri. Why don’t you want to wear the suits I got you? Do you not like them?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just too flashy. I don’t like drawing attention to myself especially when that means it will just draw more small talk.”

“Uh oh. Did confident Yuri write a check that shy Yuri can’t cash?”

“What are you talking about?”

“It seems like confident Yuri was still in effect after tearing into my parents when you were talking to Chris, but now it looks like my shy Yuri is going to be attending the banquet. You do know the type of dance Chris is going to pick, don’t you?”

“It’s Christophe Giacometti. Yeah, I’m guessing it’s not a waltz. I have a decent idea of what I got myself into.”

“I’m not sure that you do. If you can’t handle wearing an elegant suit down there, I don’t think you can handle what Chris throws your way.”

“Are you trying to play me again?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” The innocence in his voice was just a bit too thick.

“I’m not stupid, Viktor. I always know when you’re playing me.”

He sighed then put on his best begging eyes. “Please, Yuri? Wear the suit for me.” He pressed his hips close to Yuri’s as he dropped his lips to his ear. “It’ll make you look so unbelievably hot that I won’t be able to take my eyes off you all night.” He pressed slick kisses down Yuri’s neck, stopping at each point to savor every tiny variation in the taste and feel of Yuri’s skin under his lips and tongue.

“You’re still playing me.” His voice trembled as he held back a sigh.

“Do you mind?” He pushed the scratchy suit jacket off Yuri’s shoulders and slid his hands down his arms pulling the jacket along with them. It fell to the floor and Viktor tried not to cringe at just how effectively it marred the beauty of the pristine, white marble tiles. The tie followed the jacket down and he brought his hands to the collar of Yuri’s shirt, grasping tightly and ripping hard, sending buttons scattering in a chaotic pinging against the porcelain tub in the middle of the room. Yuri gasped and Viktor crashed hard onto his mouth to silence the certain protest before it could form. His hands moved down his taught muscles on his torso to unbuckle Yuri’s belt and remove his pants without breaking the kiss. Yuri finally decided to help him and kicked the pants free from his feet and let the shirt fall off his body. Viktor grinned in his victory through their pressed lips and moved his hands over to his own belt buckle but Yuri ripped away from him and turned to unzip the garment bag. “Hey, Yuri! What do you think you’re doing?”

Yuri looked back at him, his eyes nothing but pure innocence. “Following your orders. You wanted to see me in the suit, right?”

“Yes, but… Yuri!” Viktor squirmed trying to ease the tight fabric over his cock.

“What’s the problem, Viktor? I’m just doing what you wanted.” Yuri stepped into the pants that cupped his ass like Viktor’s fingers itched to do. Oh, he’s good. So good. The only thing that gave him away was the tiny lift in the corner of his mouth as he looked down to shrug the crisp sheen of the new white shirt over his shoulders. He left the shirt open to drift over his lightly bronzed skin as he went to the counter and picked up the hair gel. He pushed the shirt sleeves up over his forearms before flipping open the lid and combing a dab of it through his hair. Viktor swallowed hard as his pants grew even more uncomfortable. He rinsed the hair gel from his hands and dried them before taking his sweet time doing up his buttons, his fingers dragging over the fine fabric as he moved up to the next. “Which tie do you like?” He pointed at the group of them strung over a hanger as he tucked his shirt in.

He walked over and selected one, resisting the urge to use to it tie him up and have his way with him as he handed it over. “The gray one. It matches my suit so we’ll coordinate well.” Viktor was already wearing the navy one anticipating his victory. He was not, however, anticipating the steep cost for achieving it. Yuri finished his assault by slipping the jacket over the vest and looking up to meet Viktor’s eyes, his soft brown cleared from the barrier of his glasses and holding an expression between smirking satisfaction and pure innocence. What kind of limitless well of expression did this man possess? If Yuri had made a pact with the devil to gain the ability to seduce Viktor into madness then the devil more than held up his end of the bargain.

“So? Was it worth all your effort to get me into this thing?” Yuri struck a pose that finalized Viktor’s destruction.

“I hate that suit so much.”

“After all that sneaking and cajoling, it wasn’t worth it? I should just put the old one back on then.” He reached for the mess on the floor but Viktor grabbed his hand.

“Don’t you dare. Let’s go, you… you… rusalka.” He dragged him out of the bathroom pushing the mahogany door out of his way and setting his determination to drag him past the bed without stopping. Images of that navy suit sprawled across the white bedding and Yuri twisting the sheets in his strong fists threatened that determination and only the promise of Yuri living up to his end of his deal with Chris gave him the strength to push the images away. Apparently, confident Yuri was going to the banquet after all. His cock twitched in anticipation. He’d have to calm down before they left the room.

He dragged him into the living room and left him sitting in the sleek sand and jade colored chair he pushed him into as he grabbed a bottle of champagne from the fridge and poured two glasses. He came back to see Yuri casually propped on his elbow as if he weren’t specifically arranged to maximize his effect on Viktor. Maybe it wasn’t intentional. Maybe that’s why it worked so well. Maybe… He searched Yuri’s eyes for the answer to his question as he handed him the glass.

“Za zdorovye za lyubov kanpai!” They chanted before clinking their glasses and taking a sip.

“How are you doing, Viktor?” Yuri’s tone softened so much from the aura he was projecting he startled and shook his head to clear his mind before responding.

“What do you mean?” He sat down in the chair next to him and clasped his hand.

“You’ve had quite a stressful day with your performance and your parents… I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay.”

Yuri never failed to surprise him. “I’m okay. I’m with my Yuri. You make everything better.”

“Viktor, that’s sweet, but I’m not some magic balm. I can’t make things like that just go away.”

“That’s exactly what you are. You heal what can be healed and soothe the rest. Seriously, Yuri, thank you for what you did with my parents. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that. I felt so stupid still needing my parents’ approval at my age I couldn’t even admit to myself that I did, but you knew anyways and did everything you could to fix it. Even if it hadn’t worked, that alone would have been more than enough to heal that wound.”

“I’m glad I was able to help. You really do deserve all the love in the world and I will try my best to give that to you.”

Viktor smiled and pressed Yuri’s fingers to his lips before refilling their glasses. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

“You told me earlier that I gave you yourself. You gave me myself as well. A Yuri who had never seen Viktor skate would not be the person in front of you now. Not even close. So, if you like what you see, thank yourself.”

“Hmm… I must do the work of a god then if I helped to create you. You know, your fantasies were spot on. We absolutely make each other into the best versions of ourselves possible. I can’t wait to see what next year is going to bring us.”

“Knowing you, extreme discomfort on my part.”

“Whatever do you mean, Yuri?” His eyelashes fluttered in innocence.

“I mean that evil gleam in your eye every time next year’s programs get mentioned. Just tell me now; what awful thing are you going to make me do?”

“Awful? Yuri, I would never do awful. I don’t even know how to do such a thing. You’re going to look so spectacular.” He emptied the bottle into their glasses.

“Uh huh. Just tell me. What kind of performance am I doing?”

“I don’t know. That’s up to you. I’m only picking your theme and your costumes. You’ll be picking the music and doing your choreography.”

“And what is my theme?” Yuri narrowed his eyes.

“Love. Same as mine will be.”

“Oh.” Yuri sunk back into his chair. “That’s… not as bad as I was expecting.” His face wrinkled in confusion as he tried to figure out how he had misread Viktor.

A slow grin spread over Viktor’s mouth. “Do you want to see your costumes?”

“Okay, sure.” Yuri gave a relaxed smile, his mind now set at ease with Viktor’s plans.  

Viktor went to grab his laptop then perched on the arm of Yuri’s chair, clicking through the screen. “Well, you’ve already seen one of them.” He turned the screen to face Yuri with the image of a young Viktor and his flowing silver hair on it. “I already checked my old measurements. It will fit you perfectly.”

Yuri’s eyes widened as he drew in a breath. “Y-your costume?”

“This was the one you first saw me in, yes?” Yuri nodded, his expression unchanged. “Perfect. It will look stunning on you and hopefully provide some inspiration as to what performance would match it. This was connected to the first thing you saw that induced desperate, irrational longing in you. I think that meaning should definitely play a part. And the straps crossing over the female side of the body look like she’s already tied up and waiting for her lover, yes?” The realization of his loss slowly deflated the ecstatic fanboy expression on Yuri’s face. “And this one… Oh, I love this one. I’m drooling already just picturing you in it.” Viktor clicked on the next tab showing the designer’s sketches of Yuri in nothing more than a flesh colored fabric with strategic swirls of paint condensed over the most critical areas and trickling out into an abstract explosion of color swirling around the rest of him.

“Viktor! I’ll look completely naked!” Yuri looked up at him, horror drowning out all of his debonair confidence from a few minutes ago.

“That’s the idea.” Viktor flipped his hair out of his face to give him a wink. “That’s what you looked like the first time I saw you skate for me. That color is the music you created with your body.”

“But, Viktor, you said my theme was love!”

“Oh, do you not love me when we express our physical connection?”

“That’s so unfair. You know I do.”

“Your theme will be more focused on Eros love while mine will be on Agape love. They’ll go so nicely together and the world will have no doubt of our meaning. Agape and Eros belong together and make each other better.”

“But why can’t I do Agape and you do Eros?”

“Because that’s how our pieces join. You fill the holes in my Agape and I fill the holes in your Eros. This is how we can have each other in our performances.”

“But, Viktor, I can’t do a performance like that.”

“Aren’t you planning to do a performance like that tonight? Why would you give Chris free rein to pick?”

“Because I can be drunk for that! I can’t be drunk for skating!”

“Okay then, I guess your training is already starting for next year. No more alcohol before your dance with Chris. You’re doing whatever he picks sober. Well, as sober as half a bottle of champagne.”

“No, Viktor! I can’t! Please don’t do this to me. I’m begging you. I’m going to embarrass myself.”

“No, you’re going to put on a performance worthy of the Grand Prix and World Championship silver medalist that you are. Scratch that. You’re going to put on a performance worthy of next year’s Grand Prix and World’s gold medalist. You still have yet to kick my ass. Are you going to quit now when you’re so close?”

“How do you do this to me? Every time. I know what your evil plots are, but I just can’t stop them.”

“Why do you try so hard to stop them? Hasn’t every single one of them worked out for the best? When are you going to learn to just trust me? I’d never do anything to hurt you.”

“I know that.” Yuri sighed.

“Come on, sexy.” Viktor closed his laptop and grabbed Yuri’s hand pulling him to his feet. “I can’t wait to see Chris’s face when he realizes what he’s going to have to do next year.”

“But I’m probably going to lose now. Not that it’d matter anyways since you’ve already decided to make my programs fit his stakes.”

“Don’t you dare quit on me now just because of a little challenge. If you lose to Chris, I won’t fuck you for a month.” Oh god. He really shouldn’t have said that. That might be an even bigger punishment to him than Yuri.

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do. Prove that I’m yours by taking him down.” Stupid big mouth.

“But, Viktor! A month?"

“I mean it. You more than have the skill to defeat him so if you don’t, I’ll just be forced to believe that you just don’t want me enough.” Stupid, stupid mouth. Please, Chris, don’t be a thousand percent extra tonight.

Viktor’s concern grew as Yuri mindlessly cleared his plate of hors d'oeuvres with that same panic in his eyes that he has before every competition. Maybe just a little alcohol? He didn’t have to start off full blast, right? Just enough to take the edge off. The champagne from earlier was already well out of his system by now. He was just about to head for the table to grab him a glass when something thumped him in the back. He put the bored look on his face before turning around, knowing already what had caused it.

“Ah, Yurochka. Did you fall on your ass tonight as well or did you actually manage to not embarrass all of Russia?”

“Shut up, old man. Next season, I’ll be kicking your ass on the ice.”

“You’re going to have to get in line. So many people have said that to me over the years and yet there’s only one person who I believe actually can.” He turned to Yuri with a smile. “Yuri Plisetsky, meet Yuri Katsuki, the man who will be stopping you from reaching gold for the next several years.” Yuri gave his greetings then shot a confused glance at Viktor. “You share a name. Isn’t that funny? You two couldn’t be more opposite if you tried.” He leaned in to whisper in Yuri’s ear. “Just call him Yurochka. It’ll be far less confusing and it’ll be fun to see his head explode at having you think you’re intimate enough already to use his nickname.”

“Oi, what about you, old man? You’re not retiring already, are you?”

“Well, Yuri hasn't said when I'll be retiring. I think I'm competing next year. He hasn't said otherwise.”

“What the hell does that mean? You’re letting him decide when you retire?!” His incredulous tone drew some stares of the sponsors at the mention of retirement and Viktor.

“Yes, I am. Ask him if you want to know when I’m retiring.”

“Have you lost your damn mind? First, you leave Yakov out of the blue in the middle of a season and now you’re letting your competition decide when you retire? Those news articles were right after all. You’ve had a nervous breakdown, haven’t you?”

“He’s my competition, but he’s also my coach and my boyfriend. Someone in that position most certainly gets the right to have input on my career.”

“Yeah, input, but you said he’s the one deciding.”

“Ah, yeah. I owed him.”

“What did you owe him?”

“Everything.” Viktor turned to give Yuri a kiss making his cheeks flush in his favorite shade of red.

“Ew, gross. You better not steal him from skating before I get a chance to compete against him.” Yurochka jabbed his finger in Yuri’s face and sneered as Yuri leaned back from him.

Yuri tightened his fists and stood back straight. “Don’t worry, I don’t want to let our rivalry end just yet. You’ll get your chance to compete against him, but you’re going to have to be happy with bronze until I let him retire, Yurochka.” Viktor and Yuri both laughed as his face boiled through different shades of anger. He finally settled on seething and stomped away, stopping to look back after a few steps.

“Oi, old man, Yakov misses you. You really hurt him by leaving like that.”

Viktor cut the laughter and nodded once. “I know. I’m sorry. I had to.”

“Tell him, not me.” He scowled as he resumed his stomp away.

“He’s an angry little thing, isn’t he?” Yuri asked.

“So, so angry. He’s like a kitten who just got a bucket of water dumped on his head and it’s only getting worse. I tried being nice to him, but that usually only makes him angrier. It’s like he just wants to hate the world. I don’t know details, but I know his home life isn’t any happier than mine was.” Yuri’s face crumbled in his ever-present empathy. “He does have a grandpa who loves him so don’t worry too much. And he talks shit, but at least he can back it up. That boy does have some massive raw talent. You just might have to watch your back.”

Yuri nodded. “Yakov. Do you want to talk to him?”

“I should, but what do I say? Thanks for everything but I’m not coming back?”

“I think saying anything is better than ignoring him. He was your coach for so long, he deserves more than that.”

“You’re right. It’s just so hard. Fourteen years I was with him and I just cast him aside. Don’t misunderstand me, it was the right choice. It just has some cost, ya know?”

“Go talk to him. I’ll be right here.”

“Come with me.” Viktor tugged at his arm but Yuri stayed rooted.

“I think that’s a bad idea. It’ll just rub it in his face and if his infamous temper flares up at you, mine probably will too and that will just be a disaster.”

“So, you’re sending me off alone knowing I’m probably going to get yelled at? And here I thought you cared about me.”

“Vitya, if Yakov yelling at you was deeply traumatizing, you would have been destroyed years ago.”

“I know, I know. You’re right. I’ve just gotten so used to having you next to me at all times.” He left Yuri with a kiss and wondered how Viktor Nikiforov, after just months of being in love, was suddenly incapable of walking across a room alone. Well, not entirely incapable, just very reluctant. He glanced back at Yuri to see that just seconds after his departure, the scavengers had grown bold enough to try to steal his Yuri. He smiled at Yuri’s blatant discomfort being the center of attention in a group of men and women vying for his affections. Confident Yuri was great for certain things, but it was the soft Yuri that really fused to his heart. Yuri held his hand up to refuse an offer of champagne and Viktor turned back to refocus on his task.

“Vitya. What do you want?” Yakov grumbled with more force than usual as Viktor approached with a weak smile.

“I just wanted to say hi. I miss you, Coach.”

“Coach?! How dare you call me that after what you did to me?!” Only a few people turned to look at Yakov shouting in angry Russian. Most had already heard it and assumed that’s just how he sounded most of the time. “You go out and give a shitty performance and then just leave me with that as my last stamp on my years spent coaching you to be the best in the world and you call me coach after that?!”

“I know, Yakov. I know what I did to you was terrible and that you deserved more after what you’ve given me for so long.”

Yakov’s veins receded back into his forehead as he grumbled some unintelligible words. “Why, Vitya? You never gave me a good reason.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t then. I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. I should have.” He steeled himself on Yuri’s strength and love. “I had a brother. He died two years before I went to go train with you. He died listening to the music for my free skate this year because he was trying to help me choose the right song for my first competition. I did this program for him. To say goodbye to him; to say thank you to him. I couldn’t do it the way I’ve always done. I needed Yuri’s help. I needed his strength and love to put together the broken pieces I was because without him I was too weak to feel the pain.

I’m truly sorry that I hurt you. You will always be my coach and you are the one who gets credit for creating Viktor Nikiforov, the skating god and you gave me the skill to do him justice. I will always be grateful for that. I was just ready to be Viktor Nikiforov, the human, again. I couldn’t live on a pedestal anymore.”

“April twenty-first, June eighth. Which was his birthday and which was the day he died?”

Viktor gasped. “How would you know those dates?”

“You were always upset on those days. Every year.”

His eyes watered as he blinked fiercely. “June eighth was his birthday.” He threw his arms around Yakov who resisted for a moment before hugging him back. “Yakov. Coach. Thank you for taking care of me for so long. You’ve been more than a coach; you’ve been my family.”

“You did well, Vitya. Both your performance and Yuri’s. You’re a better coach than I thought you’d be.”

Viktor laughed as he buried his wet face in Yakov’s unmovable shoulder. “I think Yuri would disagree with you. He says I’m the worst coach ever. He’s not entirely wrong.”

“So that was your idea to change his whole routine between the Rostelecom and the Grand Prix. I thought that smelled like you. He’s a better skater than I thought if he can pull that off.”

“He’s glorious, isn’t he? Throw the worst at him and he comes back with it shining like gold.”

 “Is he treating you right?”

“He’s the best. I’m going to ask him to marry me soon. You’ll come to our wedding, right?”

“If Chris doesn’t ask him first.” Viktor lifted his face and wiped it quickly before turning to look back where he was pointing. Chris had his arm slung over Yuri’s shoulders and his face inches from his.

“I’m not worried. Chris has yet to beat me in anything. And I know where I stand in Yuri’s heart.”

Yakov grunted. “I saw your parents tonight."

“Yeah, he did that too.” Viktor smiled. “If you ever have something awful that needs fixing, talk to Yuri.”

“Think he can fix our Yura? I swear that boy is getting worse by the day.”

“Send him to Hasetsu this summer. Maybe a break from regular life will do him good and Hasetsu is so wonderful. You should come too. I don’t know if Yuri can help him, but I’d put a lifetime supply of vodka on it that he can.”

“Either I get fewer headaches or a shit load of vodka to help me deal with him? Sounds like a win either way. I never knew I could miss your teen years so much. Go on now. Get out of here. I know you want to be back with him.” Yakov waved his hands at him to brush him away. Viktor kissed his cheek then turned to go. “Vitya.” Viktor stopped and looked back. “You look happy.”

“I am.”

Yakov grunted then turned away.

Viktor wove back through the crowd as quickly as he could. “Hi, Chris. Care to remove yourself from my boyfriend?”

“We’re just chatting, Viktor. Catching up on old times, getting to know each other better.” Chris winked and pulled Yuri closer to plant a kiss on his cheek while Yuri’s wide eyes got wider.

“Chris…” Viktor’s voice dropped to a menacing tone and Chris laughed and removed his arm from Yuri.

“I will never understand you Europeans and your total lack of personal space.” Yuri’s voice wavered as he tried to summon his confidence. “Americans are loud but at least they’re not so touchy feely all the time.”

“Don’t judge all of Europe by Chris. He just has no concept of boundaries.”

“Oh, I’ve met a few others who are closer to Chris than not.”

“That’s just because you’re so yummy, Yuri, all of Europe wants a taste of Japan,” Chris purred. Yuri squeaked and started stammering while Chris laughed. “Oh, this is going to be so good. I picked the best dance for us.”

“What did you pick, Chris?” Viktor eyed Yuri’s trembling hands while thinking of his stupid words from earlier.

“You’ll see. Actually, looks like the sponsors have mostly left so it’s time to have fun. I’ll go set it up.”

“Set it up? There’s props?”

“Just one. Yuri, you’ll be ready to go in a few minutes?”

“Um. Yeah. I’ll be ready.” His voice squeaked.

Chris laughed. “Might want to give your student a pep talk there, Viktor. I’ll meet you in the corner.” He pointed in the right direction and walked off still giggling in delight.

Yuri didn’t look ready at all. Crap. Why did he have such a big mouth? Ideas just ran out of it without a filter or a limit. No sex for a month? What kind of stupid idea was that? And Yuri looked so fucking hot tonight. The images of that suit on the bed had been flashing non-stop every few seconds throughout the evening. Please, Yuri. Please win.

“Yuri, don’t be mad, but I kinda offered your home as a troubled teen correction facility.” Right, Viktor. Because pissing him off minutes before you want him to dance to prove his love for you is a great fucking idea. He was on a roll tonight.

“You did what.”

“Well, that and I offered Yakov a lifetime supply of vodka if you can’t make Yurochka more enjoyable to be around.” Sure, just keep going with that fucking shovel. Why not?

“What?! Viktor! What the hell? I thought you were just going to talk to him about what happened!”

“I did. That just kinda came up. I’m sorry. I should have talked to you first. Please don’t be mad. It’s just for the summer.”

“Viktor!” Yuri’s voice whined in defeat. “That kid scares me. He’s been glaring at me since you left.”

“Don’t worry. He’s harmless.”

“Why would you bet something like that? What the hell am I supposed to do about some angry teenager I barely know?”

“I don’t know, same thing you do with every other broken thing you see?” Viktor gave him a sweet smile with just a hint of begging in his eyes.

“Viktor…” Yuri shook his head slowly. “Literal worst coach ever. You’re supposed to be giving me a pep talk before I have to go embarrass myself.”

“And what good is that going to do? I can’t sweet talk your nerves away. Either you’re going to go out there and prove that I’m yours or you’re not.”

Yuri’s expression flipped into the one that meant Viktor’s certain destruction. “I don’t have to prove anything.” Yuri grabbed his tie and yanked him down. “You are mine.”

Oh. Shit. Viktor watched him walk away still hunched over to keep his jacket draped in front of his throbbing cock. He shoved his hand in his pocket to hold it down and stood back up looking into the corner Yuri was headed towards where a gold pole had been installed between the floor and the ceiling. Oh, fuck no.

He ran through the crowd to catch up to Yuri, his hand still awkwardly shoving his boner down. He grabbed his elbow just as they reached a giddy Chris and turned him back. “I’m sorry, Yuri. I didn’t mean it. I take it all back. You don’t have to do this.”

“I am going to do this and not to prove something to Chris. I’m going to do it for you. I don’t have to prove anything to you either, but I do want you to know without a doubt that I will do anything for you. If you need me to coach you, I’ll do it. If you need me to support you, I’ll do it. If you need me to show you just how much I want you, I’ll do it. There is nothing in the world that I won’t do for you so know that when I go up there, I’m doing it for you and you alone.

Oh, and so you won’t have to keep wondering, you certainly won’t be fucking me for a month.” He reached up to whisper in his ear. “I’ll be fucking you until you beg for mercy. Every. Single. Night.” He shrugged out of his jacket and handed it to Viktor. “Hold this for me, will you? Looks like you need it.”

How does he do that? How did he know before even Viktor did that he needed this? Yuri was right, he didn’t have to prove anything; Viktor was so completely his there was no denying it from anyone. But that nagging little voice that told him no one wanted him needed to be silenced and Yuri was going to tear it to shreds no matter what it cost him.

Yuri walked up to the pole without flinching, loosening his tie and undoing the top buttons of his shirt. “Are you coming, Chris, or did you chicken out?” Yuri took off his vest while Chris stood still, his elated expression sinking off his face, as Yuri casually removed his pants and tossed them aside. An audience started to form around the stripping man and Chris, not to be outdone, finally joined him, stripping to his skimpy underwear in seconds. Yuri pulled off his socks then rolled his sleeves up over his forearms as he stared at Viktor. Viktor clutched Yuri’s jacket tighter.

“What would you like for your song? I’ll go make the requests.” Chris ran his hand over Yuri’s shoulder trying to regain his advantage from earlier.

“Natalia Kills. Problem.”

“I don’t know that one. Is it good?”

“American song. I think it’s appropriate.” Yuri winked at Viktor causing his breath to stumble in his chest.

“Appropriate? You do know how pole dances work, right? I don’t think you want appropriate for your song choice.”

“I think I do.”

“Alright, Yuri. Whatever you say. How are we going to determine the winner? Crowd favorite?”

“Sounds good to me. You can go first.”

Chris nodded and headed for the DJ. After talking to him for a moment the DJ gave a relieved smile, most likely thankful to be playing something other than the standard classical music he had been pumping all night. Chris grabbed a microphone from him and the music cut off. “May I please have the attention of all the lovely people here tonight?” He put on his most charming smile as people started to turn to look. “Thank you so much. Tonight’s silver and bronze medalists have prepared their own special show for your viewing pleasure and being the competitors we are, we made a little bet on it so we’re asking for your help in deciding the winner. All we ask is that you cheer the loudest for your favorite performer after the show is over. Whoever gets the most noise wins so make sure your vote counts and don’t hold back. Oh, and if you hadn’t guessed by my costume, minors should probably go to bed already. Seriously, it’s late. You all need to get your rest if you want to grow up to be gold medalists. Clearly, I like to stay out and party too much and that is why I’m stuck with bronze tonight, but hopefully that practice will help me here now. Enjoy the show.” He winked and handed the microphone back.

Chris’s song choice was a techno with a deep pulsing beat and breathy moans woven throughout the sparse lyrics. His hands ran all over his body in breaks between elaborate poses on the pole executed with ease. Smirking at Yuri, he dropped low and ran his tongue up the length of the pole then nestled it firmly between his ass cheeks as he pulled himself up and spun around with his legs splayed wide. He slid back down then stood up and, gripping the pole, reached out for Yuri, pulled him in and kissed his cheek with his tongue leaving a swipe up his skin after his lips pulled back. Yuri stared back with a flat expression as Chris wrapped back around the pole for his final pose to a roaring round of applause. He took a bow and walked back over to Yuri with a wide smile.

“Japan is quite yummy. Think Viktor will be willing to share his delicacy with his friend?”

“I think if you want to keep using that last word, you won’t embarrass yourself by asking.”

“Ooh, confidence and bite. I love it. Go on now, sweet little Yuri. Show us what you’ve got.” Chris smacked his butt as Yuri walked past to take his place at the pole.

Yuri waited with his eyes locked on Viktor’s. The music started up and Yuri rolled his body up the pole until he was upside down with nothing but the strength in his hands, one foot on the pole, the other kicked out as the pole spun around. Viktor’s heart raced in his chest as he lost any ability to think or even cheer and was left with nothing but his open mouth and unblinking eyes. Yuri’s leg hooked around the top and his hands let go as he spun back down to the ground. He writhed around the pole, his hips flowing one motion into the next and into poses requiring extreme strength and flexibility executed as smoothly as a panther leaping from one branch to another. His hands moved to his shirt and he undid the rest of the buttons without stopping his dance. The shirt came off and landed on Viktor’s face then fell to the floor; he couldn’t even make an attempt at catching it. Yuri, in nothing but the black shorts Viktor loved so much and the tie that spoke of Viktor on his body, left no question about who he was dancing for as his supple body bent around the pole in extreme arches and bends, working the spin of the pole to its full potential with his eyes always seeking Viktor. The shirt over Viktor’s chest was in Yuri’s fist and Yuri’s tongue was ripping the strength from his legs through his kiss. He shoved him back to continue his dance and Viktor was sure that he was going to land on his ass, but someone caught him in time. He couldn’t look to see who as Yuri was back on the pole, reaching for the top then plummeting to the floor in a near freefall, catching himself just inches from the ground, and lifting himself back up into yet another impossible move held with nothing but his arm pressing the pole into his side. He stepped back onto the ground and let his hips finish off the performance in a dirty grind then fell back onto the pole, one arm stretched overhead, the other resting low on his stomach and his body arching from toes to fingertips.

The crowd was already screaming its champion and Viktor finally summoned enough consciousness back to cheer for his perfect Yuri. A voice next to him nearly broke his eardrums with his decades of experience in yelling. Yakov had his arm around Viktor’s back and was screaming for Yuri with all his might. Viktor turned to look at him, shock flowing through every inch of his body.

Yakov grunted. “He’s good. Deserves to win more than that Swiss cheesecake. He’d get better extensions though if he remembers to lift his goddamn chest. No skater should ever forget that. It’s a disgrace to the whole profession.” He slapped his back and shoved him towards Yuri then walked away.

Yuri caught the stumbling Viktor in his arms then reached up to stroke his cheek with a smile. “Satisfied?”

“Um, no. Desperate. Yearning. Need you right fucking now.”

“Mmm… you’re going to have to wait. I intend to get so drunk that I forget this ever happened.”

“Why would you want to forget that? It was incredible, Yuri! Even Yakov cheered for you!”

“Yeah, I heard. You didn’t seem all that convincing though.”

“I was in shock! I’m still in shock! What the- Where the hell did you learn that? Why did you learn that?!”

Chris came up with three glasses of champagne in one hand and a bottle in the other. Yuri grabbed the bottle from him and started chugging. “I was going to offer you the glass, but sure, take the bottle. That works too. I’d like to know how someone as innocent as you managed that as well.” He handed Viktor one of the glasses then quickly downed the other two.

Yuri held up a finger as he continued taking long pulls from the bottle. He stopped and braced his hands on his knees, the alcohol and carbonation having a considerable effect on his body. After it settled, he righted himself and shrugged. “College in America is expensive and skating is too. I don’t win as much as you guys do so I don’t attract the same sponsor deals. I figured I could use my dancing ability to earn some extra cash.”

“You were a stripper?!” Both Viktor and Chris screeched loud enough to make everyone in a twenty-foot radius hear them.

“Thanks, guys. Now that’s going to be all over the internet. Yuri Katsuki- silver medal stripper. Has a nice ring at least.” He started up on the bottle again.

“Yuri, you can’t be serious. I… I don’t believe it.” Viktor’s jaw was still on the floor.

“Why not? I told you about my past. Doesn’t that fit with what I told you?”

“Yes? No. It doesn’t fit with you.”

“Yuri Katsuki has a past?” Chris chimed. “How scandalous.”

“Doesn’t everyone have a past? Viktor, why do you look so concerned? Don’t you still love me?”

“Of course, I do. It just…” He studied Yuri’s face trying to read his impossible expressions. “You’re messing with me, aren’t you?”

Yuri grinned and gave him a kiss. “I was just checking to see how well you knew me.”

“So, what is the truth?” Chris asked.

Yuri shrugged. “It’s a good workout. Phichit talked me into taking classes with him and it turned out to be fun.” He resumed his chugging of the champagne.

“Well, consider me humbled.” He glanced over at Viktor. “And consider him annihilated. You really ought to be more careful with a power like that.” Horror suddenly struck Chris’s face. “Oh, god. Next year. My performances. I lost.” He groaned. “Consider me annihilated as well. I can’t believe I lost at pole dancing to Yuri Katsuki. I thought it was a sure win. Please let me do something else.”

“Nope. I wanna see some flowers on your costume. Daisies or baby’s breath or something like that. Something evocative of a pure Swiss meadow.” Chris groaned and tried to reach for the bottle from Yuri, but he snatched it back in time to continue his binge. “And not a single butt shot.” Yuri’s words were starting to lose definition.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play innocent. You don’t pull that off at all. We all know how you plan out your routine to maximize your ass in the cameras, planning which ads to use as your markers so they catch it all.” He gestured with the bottle, splashing some on the floor.

Chris laughed. “I’ve been found out. Well, it’s such a nice ass, don’t you think the people should get to see it?”

“Nope. Flowy. Your costume. Flowy like an angel’s robes.” Yuri finished off the bottle and thrust it back into Chris’s hands. The DJ had continued the mood the two had set turning the elegant banquet into a dance hall. Yuri’s eyes lit up. “Oh, I love this song. Come dance with me, Chris. I’ll tell you more about how your performances should go.” He grabbed his wrist and dragged him back to the pole with Chris staring back at Viktor, eyes begging for help while Viktor just laughed at his well-deserved suffering.

Yuri worked up onto the pole and Chris set down the empty glasses and joined him. Viktor, slightly recovered, made up for earlier by cheering Yuri on as loudly as he could. He was going to have to talk to him about getting their own place in Hasetsu so he can set up a pole in their bedroom. Yuri was gorgeous and impressive as he worked the pole with Chris, holding both himself and Chris up on multiple poses. Chris took full advantage of his chance to be too much and writhed his body all over Yuri. Viktor wanted to be mad, but it was just too hot for him to care when Yuri took control and showed him how it’s done, pinning Christophe Giacometti to the pole and leaving him incapable of doing anything other than admiring Yuri with dumbstruck awe.

“Ew. Gross. That’s the guy you say can beat you?” Yurochka sulked up next to Viktor with his arms folded tightly. “Why are you with that stupid pig? I looked up his performances. He falls so much. Pathetic.”

Viktor just smiled without taking his eyes from Yuri. “Weren’t minors supposed to go to bed?”

“I do what I want.”

“So, you want to watch my boyfriend pole dance? Can’t say I blame you; he is so hot.”

He made a choking noise. “Ew! No! Gross! This is so disgusting.”

“Really? Then why are you here?” Yuri saw Georgi walk past and summoned him over to tell him something. Georgi left and returned a moment later with a bottle of champagne and handed it to him which Yuri gleefully started chugging and pouring into Chris’s mouth.

“I was just wondering what you saw in that talentless hack.”

“Ah, Yurochka, you’ve never been one to deny talent before. You saw him at the Grand Prix and tonight. He was splendid.”

“Yeah, well one good competition doesn’t make up for all his failures before. It was probably just a fluke.”

“You better learn to respect him because he’s going to be beating you for a long time. He can beat you in any measure, any time. Oh, and you’re going to be spending the summer with us in Japan.”

“What?!” He sputtered some indignant noises. “No! You can’t make me! I’m not going.”

“Yakov already decided it’d be good for your training.”

“No! You can’t make me!” The golden hair that covered most of his angelic face fluttered in his rage.

“I’ll tell you what, you beat him in a dance and we won’t make you go.”

“I’m not pole dancing!”

“Of course not. Yuri can do just about anything. You can pick another dance. And he’s drunk so you might be able to pull off a win, right? But if he wins, you come without a fuss.”

He grumbled into his crossed arms. “Fine. But he has to put his clothes back on.”

Viktor just nodded as Yuri had caught his eye again as he writhed down Chris’s body, champagne dripping in glistening drops from his skin. Oh god. Yuri was going to make him… He should look away, but he couldn’t. Yuri gave him a grin that said he knew of Viktor’s problem and that he had no intention of helping him with it.

Yurochka made a gagging noise and stormed off shouting over his shoulder. “Let me know when you two are done being disgusting.”

Yuri came over to Viktor and reached up to pour some champagne in his mouth. Viktor tried his best to catch it all, but some still dribbled down his chin and onto his suit. “Oh, darn. I got you all wet. I should just take this off, huh?” Yuri started tugging at his clothes.

“Please, don’t. If you do that, you’re going to make me- Ah!” Viktor’s breath choked as Yuri’s lips traveled down his neck. “Yuri. Ah, Yuri, please.”

“Please what?” Yuri tugged him down to reach his ear, his body pressed tight against him as he worked his hips. “Please stop, or please make you cum in front of all these people?”

Trembles started working through his stomach. “Ah, Yuri!”

“Yuri, what? Yuri, please show all these people what you alone can do to me?” Yuri’s hand slid in under his jacket and pulled him closer into his dance. Viktor didn’t dare move a muscle. The slightest wrong move and it was over for him. “You’ve had that problem for quite a while now, haven’t you, Viktor?” Yuri’s teeth nipped at his ear. He took another drink from the bottle and his cool, wet lips were back on his neck. “I can make you do anything, can’t I? I can make you kneel right now and pleasure me in front of all these people if I demanded it, right? All I’d have to say is one little number.” Viktor swallowed hard. “I can make you mine to do with as I wish anytime I desire.” Viktor was past the point of return. He gripped at Yuri hard to pull every inch of him into his body. Yuri dipped him backward and stared into his eyes, a smirk playing on the lips just brushing his. “I can make you cum in a room full of people without even touching you.” His body started trembling and Yuri’s kiss forced them deeper, their arms holding tight to silence his tremors. Viktor whimpered around Yuri’s lips and when he quieted, Yuri pulled him back up, grinning triumphantly. “Go clean yourself up. I want to dance with you.” He left him standing on force of will alone as Yuri walked off with the strength he stole from him and joined a group that had formed on the dance floor.

Viktor damn near ran out of that room and up to their hotel room to change out his underwear for a new pair, giving himself a quick wipe down in between. He raced back down the hallway and jammed at the buttons for the elevator willing it to respond faster. Finally back to the ground floor, he slowed his pace to an acceptable striding walk through the banquet hall to reach his Yuri again.

Yuri had put his pants and shirt back on, but the buttons were now deliciously askew. “Viktor!” Yuri threw his arms up and around his neck pulling him into a sloppy kiss. “I missed you.” He reached up to give him another kiss, his eyes staying closed and a smile on his lips for a moment after they pulled away. “Feeling better?” He nodded. “Good. Now I can dance with my love. Wait right here.” He ran off to the DJ to make a request.

Someone had brought out some harder liquor and Viktor grabbed a glass of something brown and knocked it back, chasing that down with two more. His body felt delightfully relieved of any tension and he wondered for a moment at the sensation of his body feeling free from the chronic ache skating placed on him. Yuri ran back and joined him and they downed a couple more glasses each before the song changed to a Latin beat and Yuri pulled him onto the dance floor.

He led him through a rippling salsa, hands on Viktor’s hips directing him how to move them in time with his. The crowd cleared them some room and Yuri started twirling them across the floor to the playful beat and cheers from their audience, their arms twining together as they wrapped up in each other then spun free only to come back when the limit of their hold on each other was reached. Viktor reached their hands over Yuri’s head and kept him spinning in a dizzying twirl. Yuri halted it by bringing his hands back around Viktor’s hips and laughing as he steadied himself, the alcohol messing with his equilibrium more than the spin had. Yuri pulled him into another kiss and they broke apart laughing and spinning across the floor again.

They danced in a flurry of spins and holds and brief pauses for more alcohol, kisses, and laughter until Yurochka came up and started scowling at Viktor too intently for him to ignore. “Ah, Yurochka! I forgot about your dance. I’m sorry.” Yuri gave him a confused look. “Sorry, I volunteered you again. Yurochka wants to dance off against you.”

“No, I don’t! I just don’t want to go to stupid Japan! We’re doing a break dance so hurry up.” He stormed off to the DJ to make his song selection.

“Viktor! I’m so drunk. I don’t think I can break dance right now. I’m going to fall on my head.”

“Win and I’ll make it two months.”

“Why pretend that I don’t already have you any way that I want you for as long as I want you?” Yuri’s hand tightened around Viktor’s shirt. “But, okay. I’ll play your silly game. What is it going to take for me to make you see once and for all that I want you and that I’ll never stop wanting you? I don’t know how to live without wanting you.” Yuri’s face grew serious for a moment as he thought. “You’re always going to need this, aren’t you? There is nothing I can do to make you believe it once and for all so I’m just going to have to spend the rest of my life proving it to you over and over, aren’t I?” Viktor started to protest but Yuri kissed him until he relaxed. “It’s okay. I don’t mind. I’ll prove how much I want you by trying not to get a concussion schooling some fourteen-year-old angry punk while drunk off my ass.” He started to turn away but then turned back to poke at Viktor’s chest. “And don’t you think for one second that that isn’t the weirdest shit ever. Just sayin’, next time I need something, you better remember this.” Yuri staggered off muttering to himself. Viktor couldn’t stop the stupid grin on his face.

They met Yurochka on the dance floor, the etched scowl unchanged on his face and his arms tightly crossed. Viktor pulled his phone out so he could get pictures of this to hold over Yurochka’s head for as long as possible. The music switched beats and Yurochka took the floor first with a scowling two-step in Yuri’s face trying to intimidate him. Yuri just laughed which made his face color all sorts of shades of anger as he worked some ballet moves into his dance, leaping through the air as gracefully as Lilia had taught him. Yuri shook his head and stepped into his space, pushing him back and into his own dance in one move. Yurochka watched intently as Yuri spun his body around the floor, rising up from his arms, rotating and dropping back to spin on the floor and springing back to his feet right into Yurochka’s face, dancing around him with a challenge in every motion. With the crowd that had formed instantly at seeing Yuri about to give them another show going wild for him again he stepped back and let Yurochka have another shot. He picked up on Yuri’s challenge and ran with it, keeping his dance to threatening moves in Yuri’s face.

With his victory secured, Yuri gave Yurochka a look that said, “Watch me,” and dropped onto his hands then balanced on his elbows and kicked his feet out a little slower than what he should have for the music. He got up to repeat it and Yurochka followed him down, watching closely to mirror his movements. They got back up and Yuri nodded at him with a gesture to try it again. Yurochka went down on his own, his athleticism helping him through the foreign movement, and when his legs stretched out Viktor snapped a picture he had to instantly look back at to check if he had seen what he thought he had. Yurochka was smiling. He texted the picture to Yakov along with the caption, “Za zdorovye. FYI, I like the good stuff, not the turpentine you drink.”

Yuri showed him several more movements, breaking them down and guiding Yurochka through them until he had them well enough. They resumed their dance off with less of a challenge and more of Yurochka watching for Yuri’s approval on his moves. Yuri gave him encouraging smiles which he pretended to hate when Yuri was looking, but the scowl on his face softened after each one when Yuri looked back away. With Yuri’s gentle coaching, he was able to reach a decent level of skill to at least not embarrass himself anymore as he tried out new moves spinning on the ground. Viktor tried to capture another smile, but they were too fleeting.

Yurochka marched back up with Yuri swaying behind him, wiping the sweat from his face. He jabbed his finger at Viktor. “You better not be super gross the entire time I’m there. If I have to hold back puke for that long I might explode.”

“Just don’t explode in the house. That would be very rude to your hosts.”

“Ugh! I can’t believe I got sucked into this! What did I ever do to deserve this torture?” He stormed out of the banquet hall.

“Yeah, Viktor. What did I ever do to deserve this torture? That kid is the angriest person I’ve ever met in my life. Why do you want him to stay with us?”

“He likes you.”

“No, he doesn’t.”

“He does. I have proof.” Viktor showed him the picture of Yurochka smiling. 

“He was probably just happy he got it.”

“No, there were a bunch more after you smiled at him, but I wasn’t able to catch any more. As for why I want him there, well, he kinda reminds me of me and I just thought about how much you helped me and wanted him to maybe get a chance at that.”

Yuri smiled. “You’re a good person, Viktor. A terrible coach and boyfriend, but a good person.”

“Terrible boyfriend?! That’s a new one. What did I do to earn that?”

“Um, exhibit A just walked out the door. Exhibit B is how much my head is spinning right now. Exhibit C is that you’ve got way too much clothing on still.” Yuri grinned and started pulling clothing from Viktor’s body and throwing it on an empty chair.

“Don’t you think it might be a little unfair to blame me for the spinning head and not the alcohol you’ve been drowning in?”

Yuri pulled his shirt out from his pants and ran his hands up under it, kissing his now exposed collarbone. “Nope. Spinning. Too much spinning and jumping. I think I’ve done enough proving myself for one night, don’t you think?”

Viktor nodded and pulled his face up to reach him in his kiss. “Completely agree. I will never forget this night as long as I live.”

“Good. You’ll probably have to remember for the both of us. Now dance with me.” Yuri smiled as he pulled him deeper onto the dance floor.

Yuri’s hips never lost time once in the hours that they danced. Whether it was slow and dirty or light and flirty, Yuri didn’t miss a beat, his skill making it easy for Viktor to keep up. They had both lost their shirts and at one point, he lost Yuri to a young woman begging him to be her partner for just one song. Viktor realized then just how much Yuri had been holding back for his sake. The woman was just as talented as Yuri and they had everyone enraptured throughout a sexy rumba. Viktor suddenly understood what Yuri must have felt watching him skate all those years. When he cast her aside in favor of Viktor after their song ended despite her pleas to continue, his heart swelled in a whole new version of falling in love with Yuri.

Yuri’s hands slid over Viktor’s body, his lips keeping a syncopated beat on the bare skin on his chest and neck. Viktor closed his eyes and rested his forehead on his head. “I’m sorry I’m not a great dancer like she was.”

“What are you talking about? I love dancing with you.”

“I’m not as good as you are though.”

“Dancing with someone you have no chemistry with is no fun at all. That’s why I like dancing so much. Having talent is a far second to simply enjoying yourself and your partner. So, just relax and have fun. You’re my favorite person in the world to dance with.” Viktor smiled and relaxed into the easy sway of their hips, keeping his arms around Yuri’s neck.

“Yuri,” Viktor kissed the spot just behind Yuri’s ear making him sigh and press closer to him, “Are you ready to go upstairs yet?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” Yuri grinned.

“I asked hours ago!” His protest fell on deaf ears as Yuri was already dragging him by the hand to gather their scattered clothing, wadding it into his arms. “Wait, Yuri, put it back on.”

“Why? I’ll be taking it off again as soon as we’re upstairs.”

“I know but I’ve been wanting to take it off of you all night.”

Yuri shook his head with a smile as he unwound the wad of fabric to find his shirt.

Their suits didn’t make it back on as neatly as they had the first time, but it was more than enough to quiet those images that had been haunting Viktor all night as he glanced over at the tangled blue and gray fabric strewn over the pristine white sheets in a delicious mess while Yuri’s lips traveled his body. The only change was that it would be his fists around the sheets instead of Yuri’s. Yet another of Yuri’s surprises. He’d never expressed any desire to fuck him before. Whether it was Yuri seducing him or him seducing Yuri, it always ended with Viktor admiring just how perfect he looked as he slid into him.

Yuri was always too impatient when it was Viktor on top, favoring more time spent connected to him as deeply as possible and less foreplay, but now he was taking his time exploring Viktor’s body with his lips, stopping at points just to sit back and smile as he ran his fingertips down his skin. He moved down to his hardened cock and gripped it in his hand. He pulled his foreskin back exposing the head, teasing it with swirls of his tongue before devouring it as happily as he did his favorite katsudon with all of his moans of pleasure rolling out through his filled mouth. Viktor’s hands in the sheets tightened. He pulled off to run his tongue over his balls and Viktor’s nerves started up as Yuri moved lower. He, of course, didn’t miss the light quivering.

He sat up and tilted his head with his eyebrows furrowed. “Viktor? Are you okay? Do you not want this? I know we’ve never done this before; I was just trying for some variety, but I didn’t consider that you might not want it. I’m sorry. We don’t have to. I’m more than happy with it the way we usually do. It was stupid of me not to ask you first before just deciding it for us. I’m really sorry.” His confidence that had been going since the pole dance deflated and he dropped his chin back down.

Viktor sat up and lifted his eyes back up to meet his. “It’s okay. I do want to do this.”

“You do? Really? You’re not just saying that for me?”

“Yes, really. I love you so much, Yuri, and I want you any way that either of us desires.” Viktor laughed. “You don’t miss anything that’s bothering me, do you? You care so much. I thought I could hide it from you to keep up my image, but I should have known that wouldn’t work.”

“Why would you try to keep up an image for me? I thought you knew I wanted you, not your image.”

“Habit?” Viktor shrugged. “Anyway, um, I’m kind of a virgin. I’ve never done this before.”

“What?!” Yuri pushed back from him a little in his shock. “What do you mean you’ve never done this before?!”

“I’ve never had anyone who dared to actually make me submit to them before and the only way I’d be willing to do this is for someone with the strength to demand it. Some talked a big game, but when it came down to it, all they could see was my medals and fame and practiced confidence and cowered under them. You’re the only one who has ever had the courage to demand me under you.”

“You want that?”

“So much. What you did on the podium tonight… You saw me literally on the top of the world with a gold medal around my neck and you grabbed the damn thing and told me to kneel. It was the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced. Well, until your pole dance… and you making me cum downstairs… I can’t decide. They’re all tied. You’re just so, so fucking hot.”

“Ah, crap, but you’re drunk, Viktor. I mean it’s one thing if you’ve done it before, but you might just be agreeing because of the liquor.”

“I’m not. I’ve been wondering when you would finally do this. Your confidence with me has been growing by the day and I love it so much. I nearly died when you told me that you wanted this downstairs. I was stone cold sober when my mind screamed, ‘Yes! Please, God, yes!’”

The side of Yuri’s mouth pulled up. “I’d rather you scream my name.” Yuri shoved him back onto the bed and flicked his tongue right over his hole without warning, his hand gripped firmly around his cock.

“Oh, holy fuck, Yuri.” Viktor’s back arched off the bed and his hands held the sheets with all his strength as Yuri worked his tongue inside him. “Yuri… Yuri… Oh, that feels so good.” His body writhed under Yuri’s hands and he accidentally pulled away from his mouth.

Yuri gave a sharp slap across his ass. “Writhe all you want, but I more than earned you tonight. Your ass is mine.”

Viktor gasped at the sudden rush of blood to his cock making Yuri’s hand feel even tighter. Yuri wrapped his arms around Viktor’s legs helping him stay where Yuri wanted him and dove back into his ass with a ferociousness that left Viktor trembling hard. He would have cum if it weren’t for Yuri’s hand gripping his cock to hold it back. Instead, he was reduced to a chant of moans and Yuri’s name as he hung onto the edge of the cliff. Yuri released one of his legs to start working his fingers in with his tongue. His fingers hit his gland and sparks flashed behind his eyes as his stomach tightened like someone had just punched him. “Ah, Yuri!” Yuri zeroed in on that spot and his body turned into a quivering mess. So that’s what that felt like. Holy shit.

He was left painfully empty and his cock throbbed as blood rushed into it freely when Yuri pulled back to grab the lube from the nightstand. His nerves came back as Yuri slicked up his cock and Viktor’s hole, stretching it wide. “It’s okay, Viktor. I’ll be gentle.” Yuri’s warm eyes smiled at him as he stroked Viktor’s cheek. “Just tell me whatever you need to feel comfortable.”

“You.”

He would have liked to put on a better show of his confidence in this as Yuri pressed his cock up against his hole, but it didn’t matter. Yuri took care of him as always, pressing his hand to his cheek to comfort him. Viktor closed his eyes and pressed into it. He had prepared him so thoroughly, Viktor felt nothing but satisfaction as he stretched around his Yuri. The knot in his stomach threaded all the way up around his heart and into his throat distorting his moans into an animalistic sound he had never heard himself make before.

“Are you okay? Am I hurting you?”

He opened his eyes to see Yuri’s face softened with concern. “I’m good. You feel incredible, Yuri.”

Yuri nodded and bit his lip as he braced his hand on Viktor’s chest to slide all the way in. He stopped to let Viktor adjust to the sensation of feeling completely filled with Yuri and leaned down to fill his mouth with him as well. Viktor released the sheets to grab his Yuri instead. The more Yuri gave him, the more he wanted. He held on tighter as Yuri started to thrust his hips in gentle rolls. The sparks reignited in him and his back pulled off the bed as he clutched at Yuri. An orgasm already started to build within him but Yuri gripped his cock again and held it back.

“Not yet. I’m not done with you yet.” Yuri’s voice was low and raspy and he had to grip him tighter as deep moans coming from Viktor gave away just how much he was loving this version of Yuri. Yuri’s talented hips picked up the pace, rolling smoothly into him and blurring the sensations into one thrumming beat in his body. Yuri’s eyes locked on his, watching every wild display shudder across his face. He smiled and ran his thumb over his cheek. “You look so beautiful like this. Pink looks so good on you.” He brought his lips down into a deep kiss and thrust harder. Viktor’s nails dug into his back and he knew that he was being too rough, but he couldn’t stop. Yuri just shuddered and thrust relentlessly over his gland as he moved down to bite marks over his chest. “You feel so good, Viktor. So incredibly good.”

“Yuri. Yuri, please.” His nails dug in deeper as they dragged down Yuri’s back. “Please, I’m going to shatter if you don’t let me cum.”

Yuri laughed. “No, you’re not. You’re stronger than that, Viktor.” He brought his lips to his ear. “Please, just a little more. I want more of you. It feels so amazing being inside you.”

“I’m going to… tear up your back, Yuri. I can’t- ah- stop.”

“Go ahead. I don’t mind. Do what you want to me. Just give me all of you in exchange. That’s all I want. It’s not too much to ask, right? All I want is every piece of you.”

“Ah! Yu-ri!” His nails raked hard down his back but he couldn’t feel sorry through the crushing pleasure Yuri was thrusting into him. Yuri forced every sensation, every bit of himself into him and held it there to fuse to him in Yuri’s scorching heat. All of his senses showed him nothing but Yuri. He screamed his name over and over clinging to it as his anchor of something real in this fracturing flood of pleasure. “Yuri, please. Please. Please. Yuri.” He couldn’t form the words for what he was pleading for, but it didn’t matter. Pleasure slammed through him with a force he had never felt before. He bucked against the comforting weight pressing him into the bed and when the ripples of pleasure slowed, that weight was the gravity his world reordered itself around. He wrapped his arms tight around Yuri’s heaving body and pressed a kiss to his head.

“Are you feeling okay? I didn’t hurt you at all?”

“I don’t… think so. I’m still- can’t… ask me later.” He relaxed into the swirling pool as more of his senses returned. “I’m good. No, I’m great. That was amazing, Yuri. Holy shit. I’ve never felt like that before. You’re so good at this, why didn’t you ask me earlier?”

“Um, well, I’ve never done that before either.”

“What?! You can’t be serious! How did you…” His brain was still low on the ability to form sentences but he knew Yuri would understand anyway.

“Trying to copy you as usual. I didn’t want to tell you it was my first time too until after because I thought that it would be easier if one of us could lead and, well, I wasn’t expecting you to be just as inexperienced in this as I am so I tried to have enough confidence for both of us.”

“It worked. I felt so safe with you.” Yuri lifted his head to smile at him and give him a kiss. “If you were copying me, you did a better job than the original. I don’t think I’ve ever made you feel that way before.”

“I’m certain you have. It’s completely overwhelming, isn’t it? Unlike anything else.”

“I really make you feel like that when I fuck you?”

“Why do you think I like having sex with you so much?”

Viktor craned his head up to check the damage he had done to Yuri’s back. While his nails were too manicured to be sharp enough to draw blood, he had left deep, red welts all over him. He gasped. “Yuri! I’m so sorry! Your back must really hurt. I’m so sor-”

“It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt that bad.”

“How is it that I’m the one who gets fucked in the ass and you’re the one who ends up hurt? I’m really sorry. You’ve never done that to me before.”

“I just close my fists. Then I can grab you as hard as I want without leaving marks.”

“I’ll do that next time.”

“Don’t. It felt good.”

“Really?”

“I’m used to suffering to be close to you.”

“That’s so messed up. I don’t want you to suffer to be near me.”

“It’s like replaying all of those years and then I get to look at you in my arms and realize that you’re actually mine. It’s like living in an endless dream. Who knows, maybe I am still asleep in that closet. I wouldn’t care if I was as long as I never wake up.”

“Then I’ll make sure to always speak softly to you.”

“You’re sweet.” Yuri smiled and kissed his lips softly. “I really didn’t hurt you?”

“You were gentle as promised.”

“Good. We should get cleaned up.”

“What?! You don’t want more?!”

“Well, I do but it’s already really late and it was your first time so I don’t want to push you too much. We have to meet your parents tomorrow and it’d be more than a little awkward if you can’t walk properly.”

“Oh, right.” He begrudgingly let Yuri pull him from the bed and towards the shower. Something started leaking down his leg as he walked. “Um… Yuri?” He looked back with his eyebrows raised. “Something’s… leaking.” Viktor flushed and looked down while Yuri giggled.

“Yeah, that happens. We could use condoms to keep it cleaner if you prefer.”

“No, I like it dirty.” He gave Yuri his trademark wink before settling back into his awkward situation. “Just… what do I do with it? How do I clean up?”

Yuri fiddled with the shower knobs to find the right temperature. “I usually just open myself back up a little and let the majority run out in the shower. A little may still leak out later, but it’s usually not a big deal. If you really want to clean it thoroughly you can squirt a little water up there. It’s up to you.”

“I’ll try it your way.” He tried slipping his fingers into himself, but he rushed a little too much and ended up pulling back out with a chorus of ow’s.

“Viktor, you have to be gentle. Here, let me do it.” Yuri gently slid in one finger and then another and spread them apart with Viktor feeling nothing but an increasing desire for more.

“I did it the same as I do to you. Am I too rough with you?”

“Not at all. I’m just more used to it.”

They finished in the shower and went back to the bed. Yuri was about to flop down into it, but Viktor put his arm out to stop him. “Wait, Yuri. I want to take a picture.”

“Take a picture? Of what?”

“The bed.” Viktor grabbed his phone and started snapping shots of the mess they had made.

“The bed? Why? It’s just a bed.”

“No, it’s the hottest bed I’ve ever seen in my life. I want to remember this. I want to take a picture of you in the bed, but those kinds of photos end up in the public far too often and I don’t want anyone seeing you like that but me.” Viktor moved the frame of the camera to capture the jade blanket spilled on the floor, its color adding more depth to the blue and gray above it.

“You’re so strange sometimes. A bed. Can I lay down now?”

Viktor nodded and Yuri flopped down on his stomach then turned over and opened his arms to him. He snuggled into him as Yuri closed his arms around him. He held the phone out at arm’s length and snapped a picture of them cuddled together, the strewn clothes framing Yuri’s gorgeous, blissed out face.

Yuri smiled. “Viktor, you can’t even contain yourself from what you want for five seconds, can you?”

“I did. It’s not the same kind of picture I had in mind before. I’ll still protect it with my life though because that face is all mine.” Yuri just smiled and shook his head and turned so he could hold him tighter. “Yuri?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you really going to forget this night?”

“Well I planned on it, and I certainly drank enough to make that happen, but no. I’ll never forget our first time like this.”

“Are you sure? You drank so much.”

“Ask me to remember and I will. It doesn’t matter what forces I have to fight for you. Ask and I’ll find a way to do it.”

Viktor smiled and pulled his lips up to his. “Yuri, will you remember this night for me? Every bit of it. I want every precious memory with you for the rest of your life just as it will be in mine.”

“For you, anything.” Yuri buried his face in Viktor’s chest and took a deep breath.

“Yuri?”

“Hmm?”

“I know we just cleaned up, but will you make love to me and then fall asleep in my arms without giving a damn about what kind of mess we wake up in?”

“What about meeting your parents tomorrow?”

“I don’t care. Let them tell themselves that I injured myself skating if they must. I don’t feel sore at all right now though. You were so gentle even though it was hot as hell. I just… need more of you. I’m sorry, I’ve been so needy tonight. I don’t know why. I mean, my parents finally came. I should be feeling less needy, not more, right?”

“One decent conversation with them isn’t going to erase the years of suffering. And you said goodbye to your brother tonight. You’ve been holding on to that music and this performance for sixteen years and now it’s over. I can understand feeling empty right now. Don’t ever apologize for needing me. It makes me so happy that you need me.”

“But it’s so… pathetic.” He groaned and turned to cover his face in the pillow.

“Do you forget which Viktor I fell in love with? I wouldn’t have known how to love the god Viktor. I would have had nothing to offer him. The Viktor who desperately needs love though? Him, I know how to love. I would never see you as pathetic. I see you as human. Not just any human though, the best human I’ve ever met. My favorite human.” Yuri grabbed the bottle from the nightstand and placed it next to them as he moved on top of Viktor, gripping both of his hands in his. “Sweet.” Yuri stroked his tongue softly over Viktor’s in a deep, easy kiss. “Sexy.” He moved to his neck and nibbled the delicate skin just below his ear. “Kind.” The kisses continued over his body between words as Yuri started slicking them up and preparing Viktor. “Talented. Beautiful. Confident. Handsome. Fun. Intelligent. Crazy. Bold. Delicious.” Yuri grinned and swiped his tongue over his nipple. “Dedicated. Honest. Hard-working. Best and worst coach ever. Inspiring. Caring. Comfortable. Artistic. Athletic. Graceful. Happy. Forgiving. Strong. Humble. Loving. Trusting. Supportive. Encouraging. Creative. Gracious. Beautiful.”

“You said that already.” His voice cracked under his smile.

“I know but you’re just so beautiful inside and out I had to say it twice.” He returned his hand to Viktor’s and held both of them tight as he dropped down to kiss him deeply again. “Good.” He pulled back to watch his face as he slowly pressed into him, their chests heaving as Yuri slid all the way in. “Mine.” Yuri’s voice dropped low and he began his slow thrusts, his soft eyes watching Viktor filled with love.

Empty. Empty. Always so empty. That’s what it felt like before. Now that he knew what being full felt like, he knew what he was before. Empty. That’s what it felt like to be a god. He never understood why people envied him so much, so much wanted to be him. Yuri was smart though. He never wanted to be him; he just wanted to stand next to him. He wanted to reach him. He wanted to speak to him. Vasim had said that he couldn’t think of a tribute equal to his for Alexei. He could. He could think of one that surpassed it. Yuri’s for him. He fought harder than Viktor had to, having neither a natural talent nor a personality that allowed him to compete without a battle for every single one. He fought so he could give a message to the broken man he saw trapped inside a god and his message was nothing more than, “You are wanted.” His tribute to Alexei ended tonight, but Yuri’s would continue without end as he fought the forces trying to tear him back apart. What could he possibly do to repay him? What message had Viktor given him all those years ago? What had Yuri heard him say? 'You are enough.'

“Yuri, can you do something for me?”

“Anything.”

“Next season, I want you to win gold in every single competition. I want to see you dripping in gold. It’s the only color you deserve.”

The red flush on his cheeks deepened. “As long as that doesn’t involve you holding back.”

“I would never hold back from you.”

“Then I’ll do my best for you.”

“I know you will. You always have.”

“I always will."


End file.
